Gosh, I'm seeing myself too much in her

As someone who was (and still is) like Hina....you'll get over it BUT....that feeling never goes away--I'm gonna be honest with you. At my heaviest, I was 412lbs. I was like Hina. Had friends, but was still bullied and was the butt of all jokes.

One I remember as if it was yesterday: Some of the boys in Economics were trying to see who can stay....hard....the longest. Don't ask me why they were doing it. I still don't know. But I was a part of the Front Office staff and was called out for an errand. I had to go back to Economics class and when I walked in, I got shit thrown at me by a few of those boys. Why? Because they lost. How? Because I was so ugly that I made their hard-on go completely limp..........yep.

Anyway, I'm 39 now and I'm 177lbs. I cut my long hair super short and had it like a "faux-hawk". It's growing back all babydoll curly and I can't do anything with it now. But my mom posted some pics of me on FB and would you know? I got FB messages of some of those popular people being all nosey and wanting to k ow what was up with me and wanted to hang out. I said Nah, I'm good. Some of them are married, with families and I'm not. Not married. No children and I'm almost 40. But that was a choice. I can't physically have children and if I do, because of the meds I take for my chronic illnesses, they baby might be deformed, if it even survives. And even though I've been in relationships, they were abusive so, I don't trust anyone.

Do I like my life? Meh? Its okay. Couldve been way worse. Do I wish it was better? Yes, but don't 95% all think like that?? I wish I would've ignored all those people (and my Exes) and just lived for myself.

So....LIVE FOR YOURSELF. DONT EVER WISH YOU CAN BE "PRETTY" LIKE THOSE POPULAR PEOPLE, because you are. It's YOU who can't see it and YOU'RE the ONLY person who matters when it comes to you loving and liking yourself. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.