The time has come for my defense...

...of Yahwi.

After seeing Yahwi act like such a fool putting everything on Jooin about how he feels instead of actually taking ownership, I need to defend him even though he frustrates me so much. I know in that moment he's thinking he's giving Jooin so much because for him this isn't who he is at the end of the day, and Jooin is stuck in Cain's web of sweetness that he can't see that Yahwi is trying his best in that moment. It hurts thinking about it.

He needs to be like the actress told Joowon in Love or Hate desperate for his love and show it not just in words but in actions with intimacy (aka a kiss on the lips) not just sex, and until he can do that, well, we're going probably have more of these scenes. I can see the pain in his face, but he needs to express it openly.

Cain is full of sincerity in Jooin's eyes, and it makes him feel as if Yahwi wasn't giving him anything of himself, and it's making him look at him differently. The thing is I don't want Cain's eventual messiness to be why they reunite. I want to see Yahwi find within himself to really show how he truly feels towards Jooin. I also think Cain is being manipulative trying to steer Jooin towards what he wants when Jooin simply needs time alone, but that's just me.

Anyways, the time has come for me to defend Yahwi. First off I think after seeing the flashback on the childhood chapter that I can now defend his actions. Now Jooin says to him in that chapter that he will never forget his handsome face. Indeed, he has continuously told Yahwi he’s good looking, handsome, et cetera, but he has yet to recall their first meeting.

Now for Yahwi this was a very significant point in his life which was probably the first time someone cared about him unconditionally and with their heart. He literally has sought out Jooin, and in his heart somewhere is the pain that this boy who meant so much to him doesn’t remember such a significant time in his life. The difference is that Jooin probably has a bunch of memories being kind to others and receiving kindness in return. For Yahwi he grew up as this little adult in an adult world. You sense it in the way he carries himself even as a child but definitely as an adult.

Now flash forward to their first time in the hotel, and Yahwi was definitely seduced in a lot of ways (sorry it’s true) by Jooin. I think he felt as though Jooin was playing with him talking about the dreams and was very cognizant of the entire experience which in a lot of ways his subconscious was doing what he had wanted as indicated by his dreams (watch Yahwi's expressions during that). He constantly says to Jooin are you sure, how does that feel, et cetera. He isn’t just having his way with him without having an open dialogue.

Jooin also later was able to recall that it did really happen and wasn’t a dream. When he confronted Yahwi about it, Yahwi in his own way again was hurt that this boy who meant so much him that he spent a significant night with could not recall and that’s why he said it’s his fault just as he is upset he doesn’t remember their first meeting.

I re-read that scene and paid specific attention to how attentive Yahwi was during that experience, and it was a very two-sided situation, and you can tell that Yahwi feels Jooin is present during all of it which is why he is upset later when Jooin does not recall it. I honestly think he feels Jooin is forgetting memories with him on purpose which upsets him first the childhood and then their first experience together sexually.

I just do not see that as rape, sorry. As someone who was almost sexually assaulted under the influence, I can tell you I remember every second of that awful experience, and there is no moment with Jooin that he is upset except that he thinks that Yahwi was using him not the actual experience itself. I hope we can finally just put that to rest and move on about it.

Yahwi’s heart is pretty much closed off except for always holding Jooin close to him, and while it’s not shown in the way normal people would show affection (buying him food, clothes, the extra money, worrying about him with the Cain situation and sticking up for him at times), it’s the only way he knows how because he wasn’t showered with love and affection in a normal manner. Instead, he only truly experienced that through Jooin which is why he can’t let go of him, which isn't that really sad to think all those years that the one profound moment in his life when it come to love.

Anyways, that’s why I think I finally see Yahwi and understand him a little better. That flashback showed a child who was angry at the world, but yet, the child who finally understood it was not anger but loneliness approached him with an unconditional love that he has never forgotten. When Jooin keeps forgetting significant events, it hurts him, and he doesn’t know how to express it, so he just hides the hurt and closes himself off still to an extent.

Also, if anyone can help me with that flashback where he looked as though he left the hotel room, I would love to hear your thoughts because it looks as though he left and came back? That was him showing he does care about Jooin and doesn’t want him hurt, but yet, then, he came back because he can’t stay away.

Jooin is his key to happiness, but he refuses to fully acknowledge it just yet because of the fact Jooin doesn’t remember every moment they’ve shared together. Now he has Cain in his way and probably his grandfather, so he's gonna have to do what he's never done with anyone and that is fight for them with his whole heart and remember others can easily give Jooin the love he hasn't shown fully just yet. I look forward to that part of him because I believe there's more sincerity in his feelings than with Cain because Yahwi isn't hiding any secrets except the one that bonds them for life.