Fr I'm always confused about how they fall in love with their killer or contributor to their death. Then I read things like people can misunderstand fear for love when they find one thing good about them. or something like that, like it's some defence mechanism?
FrostLight Comics' take:
When this trope is used, I think that people are more likely to be influenced by the closest real counterpart in terms of behavior. "A bad person, who hurts you, MUST have a good reason to abuse you. It's all in your head."
Otome Isekai has stories that stem from women attempting to navigate under patriarchy and trying to find a way to express their wants and desires and find solutions. The most common wish fulfillment is "I wish my father loved me," "how can I understand him?" "I wish someone loved me." "I want to have a good marriage," "I want to get divorced and out of a bad marriage." Which makes it so different from male focused isekai in the fact that it seems so simple. But even that seems insurmountable.
The solutions are to cater more to patriarchy, or just have rights for the MC and power structure that already exists. Which is why we tend to have stories where women stay with people who have killed them, and gaslight the protagonist into thinking it was actually all her fault all along, or she can't escape her fate. Like Lady to Queen, which changes the language of the MC's trauma to give the male lead a happy ending, or Abandoned Empress, which had the god of the world bend the logic to Ruve's benefit to keep him in power.
From what I learned so far:
This concept is related to the popular "Enemies To Lovers" Trope where the main couple can be very antagonistic to each other until they become officially endgame lovers.
RoFan Fans will overlook or defend this (problematic) Trope about "Being Killed By Your ML in the 1st Timeline", if the conveniently powerful handsome ML is depicted as sad + misunderstood, he had good valid dramatic reasons to kill his FL, feels guilty enough about his decisions and if there is the plot twist that reveals that either the traumatized FL Heroine is an unreliable narrator or Surprise! He didn't actually murder her (Adeline's Twilight).
Fans of "Your Majesty, Please Don't Kill Me Again / Your Majesty, Please Spare Me This This Time" (I personally hate such written titles!) or "7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys a Carefree Life Married to Her Worst Enemy!" will argue that these stories done this trope right and prove that it is not inherently toxic.
Their Counter Arguments:
Adopted Cousin ML Rupert (Your Majesty...) is actually a nice Emperor who suffers for executing FL after reading her diary in the 2nd timeline and the FL doesn't forgive him so easily.
ML Arnorld (The 7th Loop) didn't know that the Guard Knight he killed was his FL Wife when he invaded her kingdom in the 6th Loop... Also she attacked him first with her sword + she only falls in love with him later in the story....
And both MLs didn't knew their FLs in the previous timeline + they didn't abuse her like ML Trash Ruve (The Abandoned Empress).
Despite hearing these comments, I personally still dislike that Trope.
I don't think it is a good idea to get romantically involved with your executioner.
I imagine it is actually too traumatic and triggering to stay together with someone who caused your death, even if that person was brainwashed (Angelic Lady).
There is a rare example where the FMC doesn't fall in love with a Prince who took her life:
Regressor Princess Mia (Tearmoon Empire Story) kinda forgave Prince Sion because she knows that she is also partly responsible for the downfall of her Kingdom and that many poor citizens suffered. But she resents the sancitmonious Prince enough for easily ordering her execution without a proper investigation in the 1st life and thus reject him as a Marriage Partner. He learned his lesson and moved on.