Yes ! Thank you, i feel like you've articulated what I was feeling for a long time reading this one. Like, don't get me wrong, this is actually quite realistic to real life in terms of behaviour for someone with a lot of insecurities, and it never gets resolved in two seconds with the power of love or something, but I was becoming sooooo frustrated lol
Every chapters since the beginning has Kamiya constantly blaming himself with little to no growth, which ends up feeling like victim complex since it's so recurrent. He's also the major (if not sole) issue for their lack of communication. 13 chapters of the same problem and Hitomi always being the one pushed away is a LOT
The thing with this kind of mentality is that while yes, you are valid in the hurt and anxieties you're feeling, you turn into the exact burden you fear to be for others since every attempt at dialogue or resolution can be perceived as things done 'wrong' again, leading to even more self-pity, and no accountability for your own actions is ever taken.
Which is why I am both mad that Kamiya skipped appointements because they're super vital, and really hopeful since he seems to be more serious about them now. Like it didn't feel he was truly committed until now, with one foot always out the door.
I guess it's a testament to how well the author has depicted it that I'm so aggravated about it ╮(￣▽￣)╭
Haha I was going to initially say he had a victim complex but changed my mind because I didn’t want anyone arguing in my comments over it. So I’m glad that you also if noticed that.
I agree with you that it is very realistic. Kamiya clearly had image and esteem issues prior to getting Thereomorphosis or however you spell it. And I think he took major comfort from Hitomi’s kindness prior to assaulting him. That guilt is something he’s never let go off and I fully understand why he’s so cautious. But 13 chapters now of Hitomi not being heard and constantly being treated as if he’s a child with no agency is very frustrating.
The author is definitely using the disease as a moniker for other issues and I find that fascinating. I don’t necessarily want all their issues to go away either but I’m not sure how much more they should drag out this miscommunication lol.
This is precisely why I said it 'feels' like victim complex, I'm no doctor so who knows ? I tried to be careful ahah
And that's exactly my point, I'm grateful for the author tackling a complex topic with the seriousness it requires, no issues on that, but also, this is a story ? It kind of needs to be entertaining and the repetition of the same topic again and again and again is not lol, give me variations !
+1 for the agency, it gets to a point where good intent ends up being terribly patronizing and stifling. But to be fair I empathize way more with Hitomi so I'm not totally objective.
Honestly there's way worse bl out there so all that can feel kind of nitpicky, since it's still a better representation than plenty of others, but that's why I want to engage with it even more ? Like there's no point with trashy books, they're not trying to be deep
Kamiya’s refusal to seek help has put the two in a position where even the best amount of communication will still feel one sided. Kamiya constantly pushes his view on the disease without trying to understand why Hitomi would have ever wanted it to happen. He’s so deep in his own self pity that he won’t see Hitomi’s love for what it is. Hitomi needs to step up and speak his truth at some point or else they will continue to have this disconnect. The doctor tried to explain it but Kamiya again rejected it because he can only see his own struggles with the disease. He blames himself and it’s funny because in a way it is his fault. If he hadn’t pushed Hitomi away so much, maybe Hitomi would not have wanted to get the disease as well. Poor Hitomi clearly thought it would be the bridge that they needed, but Kamiya is still drawing a line. Hoping the end of this chapter means he will finally let Hitomi in.