i felt used. it's not even me, but i felt used

Same, like the first few chaoters I read weeks ago, I felt gut wreching pain. The scene where he had a panic attack and was again re-traumatized by the rape Han did to him, it was fucking brutal, I was crying so much. And that scene with his mother? After he had a phone call with her, the way he often described the constant pain, regeret and sadness in his life, fucking man story is killing me rn