I WANNA READ THE NOVEL SO BADDD

pls if any of y’all have the link to the novel in English or know where I can read pls tell me I’ll lit kiss your feet (＞人＜;)
Ilay has me on a chokehold I love the way he’s developing so far (a little rant below)














I love love love ilays character so much!! I love how he’s not even aware of his own feelings and was even laughing at the possibility that he might like Tay but was still subconsciously acting towards his instincts of desire to hold tay, be nice to him compared to other people etc. Then when tay acc left him it was like a wave splashing on his face of reliazation that he acc want tay by his side but even now he still hasn’t thought abt his feelings he’s just trying his best to keep Tay by his side no matter how he must go abt it. and also his frustrating facial expressions he makes when he’s sees tae having genuine connections with his brother and uncle that reminds him that re doesn’t rlly have anything that binds them together . Which makes me think that’s why he’s so obsessed with cumming inside tay bcz he has a “part “ of him inside tay. Slowly he will notice that he doesn’t just want tay to be bound to him and that he wants tay to look and smile at him too. All this are his feelings but he’s absolutely horrible at portraying it but I can’t blame him bcz he doesn’t know what these feelings are and why it’s changing him so much. I love him the most out of (Zhenya and Caesar ) bcz he’s so raw abt it. Him being so violent towards others is just his nature and can’t be backed up by childhood trauma or anything you can’t help but love him bcz he’s always been like that which makes him an amazing character in me opinion, he was always wired that way and now it’s like he’s being reprogrammed bcz of his unknown feelings for tay and he’s trying to adjust to it as he said his “heart and mind” and contradicting eachother （；＿；）
(I was rereading so I had to gather my thoughts a bit )