I have a less severe but still annoying ocd, when your explained the "hip bumping against door" ocd, I clicked something, it's not exactly that but pretty close, I will find even numbers soothing and calming, I will go out of my way to make things even, (usually when playing this long where you will have uneven stacks, minecraft, transformice, fps games, etc). So when you explain some ways to help it (even though it's not that bad) I actually started crying, I know that in can find millions of people online but for some reason you explanation really made me feel better/more knowledgeable about my condition or ocd. Thank you! This comment for some reason hit me, and hard.
Thanks,
~Karma
I developed OCD in fith grade and bc I didn't know what it was I thought it was punishment from God for being bad. Later I thought it was some form of insanity. But something I recently found out was that if you have the tendency towards OCD and then take a drug like Ritalin (really any of the amphetamine type drug used to treat ADD & ADHD) it can trigger OCD. Kind of like how drugs like LSD can trigger those genetically predisposed towards having schizophrenia into psychosis. I had been on Dexedrine (think hard core Ritalin or "mothers little helper" from the 50's & 60's) and Ritalin since partway through fourth grade. I was also like Shirotani San in that I had experienced trauma related to something sexual along with a few other traumatic experiences, like seeing my dad beat my step mom and my dad try to kidnap me when my mom wouldn't let me go with him bc he'd been drinking. I spent many years tortured by my fears and anxiety. I was almost always scared. I'd manage to distract myself with books or playing but then with a feeling like my heart was dropping into my stomach the memories would come back. I also had memory black outs which I'm grateful for but nonetheless by fith grade I was ripe for something to break. Also when you wash your hands to much the wounds are worse on your knuckles and the back of your hands. I've found that behavior modification is the only real way to beat it. So when Kurose pushes Shirotani San it's not just him doing it for his own S desires but bc making a mysophobic person do the thing they're scared of and then seeing nothing bad happen helps train the brain. Like I used to have to wash my hands all the time but making me not wash them and riding out the anxiety and then seeing nothing bad happen. The first time I had to wash my hands bc of OCD was bc I suddenly had this fear of being burnt like Freddie Kruger and only by washing my hands would I feel like it wouldn't happen. If someone had stopped me and I rode it out maybe I could have avoided all those years of hand washing. Because the anxiety is so intense it feels impossible not to do the thing your OCD is making you feel like you have to do. Like turning the light switch on and off. Or touching your right hip to the doorway bc your left hip touched it then having to touch your left hip again bc you touched your right hip in a different place and then the right hip again and so on and so on. That's how OCD can end up taking up multiple hours of your day. But if you can find a way to stop yourself and ride out the anxiety it will dissipate after several minutes. I ended up doing a strange version of behavioral modification in my teens that got my OCD down quite a bit. I used my OCD to cure my OCD. I take one fear to battle another. So if I couldn't stop getting out of my friends car bc I kept having to touch my feet to the ground in a certain way I'd have my friends tell me that I had to stop or something bad would happen or tell me to stop or I'd grow a penis (an actual fear I had since seeing the beginning of a movie where a girl wished to be a boy and woke with a penis). Now my OCD is largely in remission. Mostly I have a fixation on numbers and avoiding certain numbers. Namely 3, 13 or anything starting in a three. I love 2,7,9,11, 27, 29. 9 & 27 are my favorite bc 9 is just good and 27 is made up of 2 & 7 and when added together they make 9. So if I'm supposed to do something for 30 secs I do 27 or 29. It's really a relief to not have OCD taking up all my time.