just wanted to say i totaly agree with you and i absoultely love how much depth you put inti this paragraph
Thank you (⌒▽⌒)
Thank you. Im actually crying while typing this
Well, I think is complex. I dont think them themselves could know what feelings they had clearly. Human is like that. We dont have as readers all the information either. Does he love his wife? and if so, how? I dont think he do it just out of the kid'ssake, everyone has selfish feelings even if we are not concious of them or they are small, he has some kind of affection towards him which sometimes nobody can label. And I know you are putting in the wife shoes, if the difference for you to forgive him would be if he did it out of duty or not, I beleave that it'd be hard to determinate even for the husband. He lust him clearly at least a little, nobody would have done that for anybody even if the person is someone important to you.
I've been thinking on it and i don't know how to feel about the sex scene between the doctor and the boy... On one hand the boy ASKED for it as a farewell gift before leaving, he said it'd help him in some way. On the other hand, the doctor was clearly lusting after the boy as shown during the part where he's putting medicine in the boy's ass because he got a disease. The doctor also has a wife and child. I just can't tell if the doctor actually loved him or not... i feel like he might have or he might have just felt an extreme amount of guilt and pity towards the boy that he couldn't save from prostitution. This guilt and pity mixed with his later feeling of lust could either BE love or LOOK like love when it's actually just a mixture of complicated feelings. He may have had sex with him out of pity and his newfound lust or he might have developed feelings of love for the boy that he wasn't able to save who grew up loving him. The reason whether or not the doctor loves him matters to me is because i'm trying to decide whether or not the sex was cruel or merciful to someone who had already endured hell. Then there's the whole "he has a wife" moral dilemma... i've got mixed feelings on this, -please don't light me on fire for saying this- i don't feel like it was the sex that was the moral issue here. The moral issue to me wasn't the act of the sex, but the doctor's intentions during. I don't think the sex was something his wife would have a right to get upset about and there is only one reason why, the boy. The doctor and the boy shared a very dark, tragic history, something literally soul crushing to the doctor. It was the doctor who convinces him not to commit suicide knowing the boy would have to be raped every day of his life possibly multiple times a day. If he had just had sex with him to comfort him and allow him to move on, then it would've been fine. The problem with what happened is that he lusted after the boy and only acted on it in that scene. He wasn't just comforting him, he was genuinely wanting him. To me, if he had just been doing the ONE thing he could do to make the boy FINALLY feel like he was living after all those years of rape by having sex with him, it would've been morally okay. This is me putting MYSELF in the wife's shoes, if MY husband had been put in the same situation as the doctor, I couldn't have been made at him if he gave the poor guy a pity fuck to make him feel better as it was the ONLY thing the boy had ever asked for and the boy deserved it. If he told me about what happened i literally just couldn't be mad...