I kinda finally get it Yeonjoo had nothing to live for before his revenge so the thoughts ...

I kinda finally get it
Yeonjoo had nothing to live for before his revenge so the thoughts of this person became the only thing giving him hope( even if about killing him it's still the feelings associated with these thoughts are already mixed feelings)
Then comes the revenge in order to fool his enemy he has to get his own feelings in check which means eventually he had to actually let go of hate but what he didn't consider is that our brain is kinda stupid and it believes whatever you give it whether fake or real
So somewhere in the journey of revenge he let go of hate and even with moments of clarity his heart and his feelings started to heal so he could experience happy moments playing and making a friend after ages and the body craves happiness after so many years of hardship
I think if the poisoning happened before the healing he wouldn't have saved the servant and just took his revenge and died like he planned to but when you let go of hate even if just a little, you change! You can't just let innocent people die. Also hate is one of those things that if there's a crack in it if it doesn't consume you whole you start questioning the feeling like is it really necessary? And technically speaking it wasn't the seme's fault he is a military general and he strictly takes orders from his king. What he's doing now is completely on him but Yeonjoo's parents dying are just political shit and technically the king's fault.
I don't know where the story will go from here but I trust in the author at delivering a good story (hopefully they overthrow the government and take revenge on the king but idk XD )