Dear BL gods can we please get a dom/sub that tackles real BDSM instead of demonizing it a...

There’s quite a few DSverse and BDSM books that humanise and normalise it. I have read a lot of them from the Domverse tag and the BDSM tag. It is a bit vanilla in the domverse tag but that’s cause it’s usually a sub that’s inexperienced but the BDSM tag has quite a few really good books and that’s coming from someone who practices BDSM.

Dw I know, I've read every single story in both the dom/sub tag and bdsm tag. It's just such a disappointment that everytime a new domsub appears is always vanilla with a sprinkle of good boy (￣ε(#￣)Σ

ugh factsss i always have high hopes and im usually disappointed ╥﹏╥

also, my least favorite trope: true love cured all my kinks -__________-

i feel like its bc authors know ts sells but theyre not actually kinky themselves so they assume kinks are borne from a lack of love, not understanding that kinks are **how** we love....

Like I said, it’s because it’s newbies not seasoned veterans. You can’t exactly drop a newbie into the proverbial sea on their first encounter. And not ALL of them are vanilla vanilla. Some are more kinky and some aren’t. It’s the same for the actual BDSM world. What you’re failing to understand is that DS and SM are NOT the same thing. DS can be considered done even if you just set up some rules the sub follows in their daily life (read my messages, eat breakfast lunch and dinner with me and if you don’t, take a photo and send it to me, tell me who you see per day, give me a report of your actions per day, give me a report of your mistakes per day, etc.) That is where the dominance comes from. The 24/7 control. It’s not supposed to be what we view as “kinky” and it’s not supposed to be hardcore. The only 24/7 control of a masochist is a sex slave. You can be dominant and not sadistic. In fact you can be dominant and masochistic or just simply dominant on its own. It doesn’t have to overlap with anything. They are its own category.

I direct you to what I wrote above ^

I agree it’s not always a lack of love but it is most of the time. It is true you can acquire kinks from hardship. I like being hit and spanked and have my hair pulled during punishment precisely because that’s what punishment has always looked like to me as a child. Most people actually in the BDSM community know that most of their sadomaso kinks and fetishes come from a dark part of us. The domsub is also sometimes associated with childhood lacks (lack of privacy, lack of control, too much responsibility, neglect, etc.)

If you want to talk about the community, talk about your own personal experiences rather than the community as a whole if you’re going to spread misinformation. Most (not all) of the people in the BDSM community I have connected with personally have had something happen in childhood that’s contributed partially to how they turned out as an adult. There’s also the biological aspect of rough sex adding more pleasure and actually aiding in procreation.

Since you have mention you're part of the community yourself. Hi, I am too. This isn't me saying D/S has to be S/M or D/S has to be kinky. As I said it annoys me that every single story here is either like this (that barely dives into it) or (and the ones I truly hate) stories with kinky characters who meet their new partner and they're no longer kinky at all.
As you said yourself, a lot of kinks come from hardships, they can be a way to experience it in a controlled environment where you can feel safe OR can also simply be bc they like it. Now a LOT of this stories under the dom/sub tag show exactly that, a character that does this BUT they now meet their new partner and magically heal their trauma and that somehow makes them insteadly drop it and only want to ever "make love" with no more kinks whatsoever, which IS demonizing bdsm and spreading misinformation, specially when ALL have at least one or two scenes showing how "creepy" or "perverted" NPCs who wear collars, follow harsher commands etc are. they're always basically implying your sexual tendencies and prefereces are symptoms that will be cured with enough love

I wasn't complaining bc this story was inaccurate or bc it's not kinky enough or wtv. Altho i still think is rlly poorly done, bc yea he's inexperienced but his partner doesn't *teach* him anything, as it should happen with someone who's never even done anything
As i said, i was annoyed bc with every.single.story is always the same thing. It's like when you see BLs saying the top has uniquely a large dick, but 99.9% of all BL tops have it. This stories keep falling into the "look bdsm isn't horrible, this couple is different and only base on love" but is ALL OF THEM so you never rlly see anything but, it's actually so weird that this subgenre rarely gets anything outside a "sit" and "good boy" like not a single story where they do in fact have kinks and keep them until the end of the story
Love that you try to educate people on here and you should keep at it, I'm just so tired of both tags bc most BDSM stories are full of dubcon and irresponsible doms and the Dom/sub one is barely any d/s with demonizing of bdsm