Maybe the real Hikaru was having trouble distinguishing the kind of love he had for yoshiki too? He probably had internalized homophobia thinking he's mistaking patonic love with romantic love and it's not normal to have feelings for a guy. Now it's amplified and more confusing for "Hakaru" because Hikaru is now a immoral being learning how to be human. https://mangafire.to/read/hikaru-ga-shinda-natsuu.7j3o6/en/chapter-11.5
Maybe the real Hikaru was having trouble distinguishing the kind of love he had for yoshiki too? He probably had internalized homophobia thinking he's mistaking patonic love with romantic love and it's not normal to have feelings for a guy.
Now it's amplified and more confusing for "Hakaru" because Hikaru is now a immoral being learning how to be human. https://mangafire.to/read/hikaru-ga-shinda-natsuu.7j3o6/en/chapter-11.5