okay, he was definitely wrong in letting that relationship go on for so long and not communicating his feelings effectively but i can't help but feel, reading comments like this, that Iseon is being blamed for a two way problem. when they got together yu-min could definitely tell that he didn't feel the same intensity for her that she did him but chose to enter the relationship anyway.
and i don't think him dating her was meant to be a 'gift' or 'deigning' to pity her. it's clear it was more just a mix of him constantly being told by everyone around them that that they'd be a good couple just because they were a man & woman who were good friends (heteronomativity is one hell of a drug), her constantly being around and 'helping' his family during a tough time and constantly dropping hints here and there that she'd like to be more.
let's face the facts, yu-min was definitely emotionally manipulative to get into a relationship with him and this whole situation is a mess of her own making as much as it is his. and let's not forget that he was an immature, confused kid who had a lot on his shoulders (emotionally & financially) when he chose to date her.
i think it's good that they're finally having good, clear conversations about why their relationship blew up the way it did. and that each side should be allowed to be as confused, sad, and angry as they want so as to make the apologies more effective in the long run. anyways, i can't wait for season 2. (^-^)/
Financially??? Didn’t they start dating in college? Was he working extra jobs to support the family? I don’t remember that but I could be wrong. I agree she was emotionally manipulative but he has said multiple times, even when he chose to date her, that he pities her and that he would date her for everything she’s done for his family because he’s thankful (that’s fucked up but I feel like this was indeed Yumin’s plan but she also thought he would fall for her by her being there for him. Little did she know he actually couldn’t). Other than his family pressuring them to be together I don’t think anyone else was???? His friend(s) knew and the way they spoke about her throughout the story was disgusting. Her friends and family are chill. She never directly pressured him to start dating. I don’t think you can blame heteronormativity on this one because that frankly wasn’t even in his thoughts at the time. He was at peace with being aromantic at the time and it isn’t as though the alternative would have been visibly ostracising. He wasn’t confused about that.
Let me amend that of course heteronormativity is still an overarching evil presence though, possibly the biggest push he even gave the relationship a chance, because he wanted to still feel the love he is constantly told about even though he was at peace with being aromantic and wasn’t confused by that. But he found Yumin’s expression of love so beautiful and comforting that he’s like “you know what, why the heck not? Let’s give it a try” (that’s selfish for me, but they’re both selfish, also I don’t think her number one goal in helping out the family was solely to date him, she also has a strong bond with the teacher outside of her relationship with him)
Waiiiit, another amendment, sorry, he didn’t want to feel the love he heard about but instead was like if it’s Yumin who’s love is so beautiful and warm I think this could work, the other amendment on my part was a little bit big of a jump in conclusions on my part. He never said he wanted to try the love he’s heard about because once again, he was at peace with orientation and has found a friend(s) who were accepting of it (once again the way his friends talk about Yumin is disgusting). Yeah so even though heteronormativity is always an overarching evil presence always I don’t think it was the main reason at all why he got with Yumin. There wasn’t as big of a push as you portray it to be, as though he was put in between a rock and a hard place and he couldn’t help but go where the current was pushing him lest he fall to danger. He was at peace and his main reason for being with her was feeling sorry towards her and wanting to pay her back.
"I won't be able to love her the way she wants me to... but I'll be good to her." Motherfucker it's not your choice, it was hers and you robbed her of it. Selfishhhhhhhh. Also you wanted to repay her by returning her feelings???? Ewwwwww, you deigning to grant another person access to your pity and guilt isn't the big gift you think it issss, you loved her love, you felt so safe in her love that you and your asshole friends were so sure, SO SURE, that she would always love you and always try to get you back, that she was always yours, welp, feel that absence like she felt the absence of your romantic love throughout your relationship, the absence of something she was never truly able to articulate basically being in a constant state of low key gaslighting because you neeeever told her that you could never feel for her what she expected and thought she would recieve