i spent sleepless nights writing this

holy hell. i just reread this and my god i need to suck gyujik's nuts right now. gyujik please i'll be your bitch just please put out season 3 fasterrrr. i cant wait 2 more months i need ts nowww. anyways MASSIVE spoilers from here on out.

everything from the beginning was so clear, all of the hints were right there, we were just too blind to see them. i'm under the firm belief that this story was meant to be reread because dear god the sheer amount of hints and character details the author managed to pack into the first few chapters alone is incredible. this is literally how mysteries were meant to be made.

in the first chapter alone, the tension between lian, wei and xin was so obvious idk how i didn't sense it the first time i read it. lian saying "nahhh today's *your* day, remember?" to xin and then he looks up at lau, as if she's saying now its up to him to rope lau into their plan. "i'll take care of everything, so you just sit back and relax" lian and wei will handle the whole tattoo ordeal so xin should just sit tight in the meantime (also funny enough thats what wei says in the last chapter). lian saying "i found there's this bakery..." and its likely the same bakery wei has mali go to every night to drop off the tattoo designs. also just the way xin is looking at them the whole chapter, as if they share a secret. lau having nightmares of choking because thats the last thing he did to xin before they broke up 5 years ago. and thats just the first chapter alone, there's way more stuff i noticed but this is long enough as it is so i won't write it all down.

lian and wei in general are such enigmas. i still love u lian idc if u might be evil or a sadist. we've only seen one panel of lian as a kid, and frankly i just can't imagine wei as a kid. like he was probably just his current face photoshopped onto a tiny kid body. i refuse to believe he didnt come out of the womb with a fully developed jawline and glasses. but out of all of the side characters, im the most curious about their backstories. after all, they're from the first collateral line, so they likely had the closest relationship to the head family's bullshit. also the first collateral line in general seems to be the most brainwashed/evil. they're the ones who came up with the idea of trapping the head family heir in the first place.

anyways their relationship seems super interesting to me. wei obeys lian no matter what, but its obvious there is some sort of (maybe?) animosity from wei towards her. so im in the same boat as lau in asking this, but why does he let her have him by the balls? ik shes terrifying but how does he just let her do all ts to him, to the point where she literally gropes his pecs?? (unless he's into it then good for him ig). knowing this story it definitely has to do with childhood trauma lol. still, i rly want to believe their relationship isnt all that bad, but since we've only seen glimpses of wei's thoughts its hard to say for sure.

the thing i'm more interested in though, is how closely wei and lian are working with xin. are they doing this on xin's orders, or the head family's, or both? there has to be some degree of cooperation between them and the head family, seeing as how they're able to get into the annex. but lian still says she's doing it all for xin's sake. which... bitch how???? i rly find it hard to believe she doesn't know the dye is killing xin considering that he's been feverish and passing out for months. she even mentioned its the dye probably causing it. but maybe she doesn't know its lethal? idk anymore.

as for xin, he seems to have some agency to an extent. he's the one who burned the contract, he's the one who withheld key info from lau and he's the one who had lau go on this whole wild goose chase in the first place. as for why, my best guess is that this is all somehow his plan to destroy the head family for good. but then why would the head family sit by idly and let this happen? maybe this is all xin's 5d chess moves in response to the head family making him the new vessel for the ritual?

speaking of which, WHY TF DOES HE NEED LAU IN THE FIRST PLACE??? why have lau go on this wild goose chase at all. lau, i'm sorry but you're not the smartest fella out there. lau doesn't have any wealth or power after the rest of his family died out. the man sleeps on a couch and wears a wifebeater for crying out loud. and xin is aware of that, so why have lau do this at all? my best guess so far is that it has to do with lau's lineage. i mean the whole thing with his dad is super mysterious. is his dad even alive anymore?? i don't think his dad is entirely evil, i imagine he's going to be a grisha from aot type of character where he thinks he's doing things for the greater good to stop the head family.

speaking of their whole backstory... i have no words. i knew what would happen to tan and miu but i wasn't expecting to be bawling that hard. i blame you lebron's #1 pookie bear for goading me into reading this attack on my emotions. ik ur reading this. chapter 76 is one of the greatest chapters in any work of fiction ever created and i will stand by that statement. the sheer hope, dread, hatred and anguish i went through that chapter alone cannot be understated. literally worse than the 5 stages of grief. also might i just say, i need to kill the head family asap. their servants too, because how can they actually hear themselves say "they shall pay, your children shall bear the burden", as in they're literally trying to traumatize these two children by killing their only family and have the hoot spa to think they're in the right?! FUCK YOU AND YOUR GODDAMN TRADITIONS (╯°Д °)╯╧╧

kid xin and lau were so adorable but their flashback makes me so sad because they don't smile like they used to ╥﹏╥ we're truly in the trenches rn. also about kid xin, i'm glad the author went more into his creepiness. kid xin was creepy asf because he's literally never learned how to interact with human beings (other than his brother). i find it interesting how kid xin views the relationship between guardian and heir. he says that miu would never leave tan alone because he can't run and so she has to protect him. idk it seems sorta understandable why lau views their relationship as xin trapping him, even though thats not the case in the present. teen xin is also creepy as shit, but he learns to hide it from lau. ig his prefrontal cortex developed enough to where he developed the concept of shame. even crazier is that we actually see it develop in the flashbacks. in the alleyway flashback, xin is much more straightforward and clingy (probably not the right word but idk how else to describe it). in the flashbacks following that, he starts to prioritize lau's emotional wellbeing in the long run, so he starts to distance himself and that leads to their whole break up fiasco. now in the present, xin is oddly... not creepy at all?? ig maybe it was just the prefrontal cortex after all. everything he does that is manipulative is to ultimately save lau and he doesn't do any freaky stalker shit (not that he could follow lau even if he wanted to). he doesn't do anything to push lau's boundaries anymore, which idk it kinda makes me sad because i feel like he wouldn't be nearly as creepy as he was if he just grew up in a well adjusted environment.

i rly rly RLY don't like how the narrative keeps implying that xin will die. they keep comparing lau to a wolf, who are said to stay loyal to their mate even after they die. lau even says he will stay alone if his love dies. xin has seemed to self sacrificial so far, and machiavellian. he seems to have convinced himself that he's doing everything for the greater good, and this attitude is evident even at a young age. for example, the chapter where they're in the library, xin says that its fine that the gecko died because it would feed baby birds. the author's saying that xin's like the gecko. i don't like this game ╥﹏╥ i'm on my last tank of copium saying this but i don't think he will actually die, for the sole reason that it wouldn't be narratively compelling. like c'mon there's no way the author wouldn't even give them a chance to be happy together. from what i've seen this author loves subversions, so i rly don't think lau will just let xin die with no fight. honestly the sadist in me wants lau to sacrifice himself for xin instead of the other way around. that being said i also love crying because i'm gyujik's little masochistic whore so i'll take whatever ending the author throws our way ┗( T﹏T )┛