Why are ..

ian is free to have sex with anyone excuse you, i like jo but guys it’s just sex?? and ian is not in a relationship

Out of habit ? And also because it's the only way they usually '' talk '' (they don't talk, they don't assert their feelings) _ and because it's the only way they say '' I still love you '' or '' somehow I will always love you '' _ it could be goodbye sex / break up sex but that's definitely not clear lol.

Also I suspect it can be very troublesome when someone is aromantic and doesn't know it, to me TJ is not the typical '' gentleman / boyfriend / hubby type '' he's not a homemaker. But somehow he loves Ian, and it feels to me that this kind of feelings he has developped towards Ian, are special and precious to TJ ,
because he never felt that with anyone else so he doesn't want to '' stop loving '' Ian. He wants to be '' loved '' and continue '' loving '' him ... Probably because it's his first breakup ? With someone who truly counts as '' soulmate '' somehow.
And Ian seems to be the very first person that really counted for him ?? I mean it's like Ian to him, is his '' everything '' even though TJ is super independant and/or avoidant.
TJ (and maybe Ian too), feels as they are '' one '' or like they are '' a familly '' even though he's confused/avoidant/distant, and toxic at times.
( Emotionnal neglect is strong in this relationship ) they are fuck buddies , that doesn't mean they don't '' love each others '' it's just not the same kind of love. (That's why polyamory exists !! It's possible to love different people and want different things from them!)

Love this! Exactly what I’m thinking. They’re so used to using sex as an outlet and communication that this is all Ian has come to desire, to be with TJ and not be kept waiting etc.

Ian also has never had a family, so his attachment to TJ is reasonable. Love too perhap, just unfortunate circumstances.

You're funny