I honestly don't like this at all. It's so... how do you put it? It's self-serving and self-absorbed, but in a way that sort of excuses that by delivering it through a self-critical lens (that's not quite what I mean, but it's difficult to put into words). It feels like an excuse. I find myself viewing it from the perspective of the brother and thinking, "Wow, I would hate to have someone frame an autobiographical coming-of-age story around my death - especially someone who couldn't spare me a thought while I was alive." Because that's just it - his death is a tool, a hook, a way to reel you in. But it's not about the brother's death at all. It's about... angst. You say that you died at 15, but it just comes across as typical teenage angst. You say that you "sacrificed" your brother to save yourself, but it just feels like you're making his death all about yourself. And maybe - no, that probably is the point. It's just not a point that I buy into. Quite frankly, it's not a perspective I care much about. We've all been there - we've all been angsty teens who only think of themselves. It's a tired old story. I'd be far more engaged if this was actually about the brother.
I honestly don't like this at all. It's so... how do you put it? It's self-serving and self-absorbed, but in a way that sort of excuses that by delivering it through a self-critical lens (that's not quite what I mean, but it's difficult to put into words). It feels like an excuse. I find myself viewing it from the perspective of the brother and thinking, "Wow, I would hate to have someone frame an autobiographical coming-of-age story around my death - especially someone who couldn't spare me a thought while I was alive." Because that's just it - his death is a tool, a hook, a way to reel you in. But it's not about the brother's death at all. It's about... angst. You say that you died at 15, but it just comes across as typical teenage angst. You say that you "sacrificed" your brother to save yourself, but it just feels like you're making his death all about yourself. And maybe - no, that probably is the point. It's just not a point that I buy into. Quite frankly, it's not a perspective I care much about. We've all been there - we've all been angsty teens who only think of themselves. It's a tired old story. I'd be far more engaged if this was actually about the brother.