this story had such an interesting concept of a housekeeper doing what you want if it's in her power but at the same time feeling guilt for something or grieving herself. But then the pacing and family destroyed it. I cannot differentiate between the two brothers but one of them is aggressive and cannot for the life of him do something himself. He feels arrogant. Meanwhile the other brother is just..there. He adds nothing nor does he want nothing. The little kid is a kid but even children have a self protecting instinct. No child like her goes into the water to drown herself without any feelings of fear. The woman coming out of nowhere on her birthday was even more crazy. Why tf does one think that makes a child happy? "Sure I bring your mother!" and then acting as if you're their mother is NOT what one should do. The biggest sister has some kind of problem with her duty as the oldest and her own personal feelings but it's addressed in one line and then dropped in the next. She also seems to get angry at the mention of a boyfriend or somehow it often gets mentioned around her. Plus she is egoistical and does not want to understand the other sides in arguments. The father literally said that he couldn't let go of this opportunity because it gave him money to support a MIND YOU 5 head family + a housekeeper. Yet she decided to involve the housekeeper and expose him. She could have done that herself. Yet she decided the housekeeper should do it. And then the father. Rather than briefing for his beloved wife that commited suicide it feels like he too is egoistical asf. When his daughter finds out - instead of explaining his side and telling her that he wanted to stop his wife or regrets his decision - he asks her to keep it hidden from the others. His affair doesn't seem to know about his wife committing suicide too but he wants to stay with her?? How does one expect a relationship full of lies to last?? And even the dead mother is annoyingly poorly made. Her husband wants to divorce her. He wants to pay everything and will help with what is needed but he feel out of love. Instead of talking with him, with the kids or even going to couple therapy to work things out between everything she commits suicide with a letter threatening to commit it.
This whole story could have been done a lot better if the author just decides to commit to his story. There is not thinking in what is done. There is no character in these people and there are no thoughts that are shown with the characters. The reader literally cannot understand or sympathise with the character because there is at max 1 thought line per chapter. For the housekeeper there is no need to give thoughts but the family is the main point of this whole story. One NEEDS thoughts of what they're thinking or else their thoughts will look out of the blue and egoistical. Every chapter shows a new problem and sometimes two within one chapter. That feels chaotic and out of place. There is no way to show any feeling or thought with how fast things are paced and how chaotic everything is.
In a nutshell: the author needs to do a better job and actually work on the characters. They need to plan what's happening and pace things more slowly while expressing the thoughts of the family. They also need to work on the recognition of their characters. I'd give this piece a 3-4/10 for the idea and art but everything else is a mess.
this story had such an interesting concept of a housekeeper doing what you want if it's in her power but at the same time feeling guilt for something or grieving herself.
But then the pacing and family destroyed it.
I cannot differentiate between the two brothers but one of them is aggressive and cannot for the life of him do something himself. He feels arrogant. Meanwhile the other brother is just..there. He adds nothing nor does he want nothing.
The little kid is a kid but even children have a self protecting instinct. No child like her goes into the water to drown herself without any feelings of fear.
The woman coming out of nowhere on her birthday was even more crazy. Why tf does one think that makes a child happy? "Sure I bring your mother!" and then acting as if you're their mother is NOT what one should do.
The biggest sister has some kind of problem with her duty as the oldest and her own personal feelings but it's addressed in one line and then dropped in the next. She also seems to get angry at the mention of a boyfriend or somehow it often gets mentioned around her. Plus she is egoistical and does not want to understand the other sides in arguments. The father literally said that he couldn't let go of this opportunity because it gave him money to support a MIND YOU 5 head family + a housekeeper. Yet she decided to involve the housekeeper and expose him. She could have done that herself. Yet she decided the housekeeper should do it.
And then the father. Rather than briefing for his beloved wife that commited suicide it feels like he too is egoistical asf. When his daughter finds out - instead of explaining his side and telling her that he wanted to stop his wife or regrets his decision - he asks her to keep it hidden from the others. His affair doesn't seem to know about his wife committing suicide too but he wants to stay with her?? How does one expect a relationship full of lies to last??
And even the dead mother is annoyingly poorly made. Her husband wants to divorce her. He wants to pay everything and will help with what is needed but he feel out of love. Instead of talking with him, with the kids or even going to couple therapy to work things out between everything she commits suicide with a letter threatening to commit it.
This whole story could have been done a lot better if the author just decides to commit to his story. There is not thinking in what is done. There is no character in these people and there are no thoughts that are shown with the characters. The reader literally cannot understand or sympathise with the character because there is at max 1 thought line per chapter. For the housekeeper there is no need to give thoughts but the family is the main point of this whole story. One NEEDS thoughts of what they're thinking or else their thoughts will look out of the blue and egoistical.
Every chapter shows a new problem and sometimes two within one chapter. That feels chaotic and out of place. There is no way to show any feeling or thought with how fast things are paced and how chaotic everything is.
In a nutshell: the author needs to do a better job and actually work on the characters. They need to plan what's happening and pace things more slowly while expressing the thoughts of the family. They also need to work on the recognition of their characters.
I'd give this piece a 3-4/10 for the idea and art but everything else is a mess.