Hira isn’t stupid, his self esteem is just so low that by placing Kiyoi on a pedestal and romanticising his image, it allows himself to disconnect from his reality to obsess over his image of Kiyoi as a god-like figure.
You guys have forget Hira has a speech impediment therefore he’s always felt maybe ashamed or viewed himself as ‘less’. So much so that he can’t invision being with the man he admires so much.
The reason Hira doesn’t think about being Kiyoi’s lover is because he thinks Kiyoi is so unreachable it’s unrealistic for him to imagine a relationship where they both have mutual benefit. Hira only wishes to please Kiyoi.
Even during their confession Hira is shocked that ‘someone like’ Kiyoi would like him of all people.
The problem is Kiyoi hates the thought of being idolised in this manner. He just wants to be seen— as the real him. A person just like Hira that wants to express his love to person he likes.
Spoiler:
"The moment I opened my mouth, I was made fun of because of my dysphemia, trampled on at the bottom of the pyramid; when the news of suicide due to bullying would broadcast on TV while having dinner together with my family, I would find myself to feel tremendously identified with those news, which would cause me to get panicked to the point where I wanted to flee in dread before I hurriedly had to pull myself back from that edge, and these feelings of mine are something Kiyoi would never understand."
"To me, Kiyoi is the embodiment of my admiration. You may not be kind at all, not a good-natured person either, but rather one who is self-centered; however, despite possessing all of that, Kiyoi saved me."
"I love everything about Kiyoi; I love you so much it hurts. You're like a god to me. It never crossed my mind that someone who I think of in such a way would be within my reach." Ah, when Hira put it that way, Kiyoi gradually understood. Even he himself didn't think he could become friends with Christ or Buddha. Maybe that was what this guy meant.
Hira isn’t stupid, his self esteem is just so low that by placing Kiyoi on a pedestal and romanticising his image, it allows himself to disconnect from his reality to obsess over his image of Kiyoi as a god-like figure.
You guys have forget Hira has a speech impediment therefore he’s always felt maybe ashamed or viewed himself as ‘less’. So much so that he can’t invision being with the man he admires so much.
The reason Hira doesn’t think about being Kiyoi’s lover is because he thinks Kiyoi is so unreachable it’s unrealistic for him to imagine a relationship where they both have mutual benefit. Hira only wishes to please Kiyoi.
Even during their confession Hira is shocked that ‘someone like’ Kiyoi would like him of all people.
The problem is Kiyoi hates the thought of being idolised in this manner. He just wants to be seen— as the real him. A person just like Hira that wants to express his love to person he likes.
Spoiler:
"The moment I opened my mouth, I was made fun of because of my dysphemia, trampled on at the bottom of the pyramid; when the news of suicide due to bullying would broadcast on TV while having dinner together with my family, I would find myself to feel tremendously identified with those news, which would cause me to get panicked to the point where I wanted to flee in dread before I hurriedly had to pull myself back from that edge, and these feelings of mine are something Kiyoi would never understand."
"To me, Kiyoi is the embodiment of my admiration.
You may not be kind at all, not a good-natured person either, but rather one who is self-centered; however, despite possessing all of that, Kiyoi saved me."
"I love everything about Kiyoi; I love you so much it hurts. You're like a god to me. It never crossed my mind that someone who I think of in such a way
would be within my reach."
Ah, when Hira put it that way, Kiyoi gradually understood. Even he himself didn't think he could become friends with Christ or Buddha. Maybe that was what this guy meant.
"..... But, I'm not a god."
This translation is from
https://chrysanthemumgarden.com/novel-tl/mbm/mbm-3-7/