honestly i have no clue why your mum is acting up like that. it seems a bit weird and patronising, like they're both humiliating you as a form of power? also i'm not really sure what you mean by taking your hair down? can i ask what type of hair you might have because i'm envisioning super straight hair but that may not be the case. also, don't feel shit abt not being able to do your hair lols. i'm 17 and i can barely style it, i'm late to the cosmetic train. hope u feel better, (●'◡'●)ﾉ
im not sure why they're making a big deal out of something so minor, it really isn't normal. unless its something tied to religion or tradition i guess i can comprehend their reaction. im pretty sure you already have the gut feeling that hurting a family member emotionally is not normal and it shouldn't be. if they don't show any signs of remorse or change, try not taking it to the hear since you'll only hurt yourself when you've done nothing wrong
That's verbal abuse. I'm so sorry you went through that. You're only 15. It's ok to not know how to do your own hair yet. You didn't deserve to be yelled at and insulted.
From my experience, people do expect more out of the oldest. I think because we learn to be independent pretty quickly, they expect us to not need help and do everything on our own. And when we fail to meet those expectations, it's somehow worse than when our siblings do.
I'm much older than you and my family still holds those expectations of me. In many ways, I also hold those expectations of myself and they've shaped me in both good and bad ways. Idk what my point is, but I hope you feel better and get to have the hair you want.
I'm black and currently have crochet locs in, a very itchy hairstyle that's not meant to last long (they're quite literally falling out)
But thank you, I'm not feeling much better (They're still going out of their way to upset me whenever I step out of my room)
this is not normal, you're not doing too much, it's just some parents became a parent not bcs they're ready but bcs they want to & a lot of time the first born will be the one to get the most shit from their incapability for being a good parents.. the best thing u could do at that age is suck it up & wait till u can make ur own money to get out of their life. there's another option to make it better tho but it's 30/70 success rate, getting mentally or physically sick to the point you need a doctor or psychiatrist to tell your parents that u're sick because of stress then from there there's around 30% chance they'll try to soften up & listen to u but mostly it became worst so i really recommend to suck it up for a few years to get a job then leave.
and oh actually there's one more option, it's to break down & pour all ur heart down, with anger & cry, don't let them win and keep saying all ur hearts down till they listen, cs that kind of parents can't be approach gently by words i mean the fact that u didn't even talk abt ur hair but it escalated to that means they're not the type to listen but if you become more aggressive than them but not to the point of danger there's a chance they'll listen to you and realize ur feelings. if ur parents a good ppl they might understand but if even after doing that it get worst then I'm sorry..
for me I've experienced both, break down and get sick.. it's sounds like i pretend but no actually i did break down & get sick bcs of stressed they unintentionally put on me bcs of the lack of knowledge abt good parenting & it worked even tho it's kinda messed up with my body at least my stress is lessen & it's getting better slowly but surely.
i know it sounds horrible but this far, that's the only thing that i saw worked for some ppl. i hope u'll find ur way to deal with ur problem & a good luck for u
Just realized I quite literally have no one in my life to talk to about this, so I guess I'm going to just put it here because I'm just going to feel shitter if I don't say anything.
This is also question for all the older siblings out there. Is it just my mom that treats me like this or is this a universal experience for all older siblings? Especially sisters.
So recently I've been wanting to take my hair down, it was a hairstyle I asked for but I'm tired of it now and I don't really like how it was done in the first place. But the thing is, I only mentioned taking it down one time, I already knew not to push it because I never really know what'll make my mom mad.
This morning, I went to the living room, just to say good morning. I was in a good mood and everything, never mentioned my hair. Then my mom starts playing with my hair, like styling it and stuff. And I gently said something barely even mentioning wanting to take it down.
And I guess I should've just shut my mouth because then my God mother (barely consider her that), starts going off on me. Asking me what I'll do after I take it down.
For some context, literally the only thing I can't do is my hair. I can cook, I can clean, I'm good with kids and my siblings and I'm pretty independent overall. It's the only thing I can't do. She always brings that up when she's irritated with me.
So then my mom joins her right, and they start going off at me. Saying I'm too old not to know how to do my hair (I'm 15 but going on 16 in a few months.). And it's not like I don't know that. I feel stupid enough not knowing how to do it.
So now I start trying to backtrack and try explaining that I don't care all that much really. But that made them more upset at me? So upset that the scolding quite literally went to straight up insulting and humiliating me.
For example: Calling me a stud (Something classmates have been calling me that has been bothering me), dumb and stupid, ungrateful. Saying I'm acting like I'm 4.
And when I started crying, they told me to look at them while they talk (They weren't talking, they were actually yelling at me, loud enough to wake my siblings). They knew they hurt my feelings and just kept going and going.
And this isn't the first time either, they always do things like this to me and just me. My siblings get away with shit I can only dream of.
So I just want to know is this normal? Am I doing too much? I just don't understand why it's always me being treated like this just because I'm older.