I get it. The relationship is so fragile to begin with that you don’t want to put any pressure on the other person for fear that will be the straw that broke the camels back. It all feels so fake. Every gesture, every kiss, every I love you feels like they’re saying it to keep you rather than because they actually want to be with you romantically. It’s painful to be in a relationship like theirs. And what ML isn’t understanding is that MC isn’t doing this to be spiteful or out of jealousy or anything like that, he’s doing this because he feels like he’s on a tightrope and one wrong move is detrimental to his whole livelihood. The correct way to deal with this is to take it slow and from the beginning again. No sex, no kisses, no cuddles. You go on dates, you learn more about each other and pretend you knew nothing about them to begin with (that’s important to start over). Only then can you feel the relationship building and then intimacy can happen and words of affirmation can go on. It’s such a slow process though because the one who feels like they’re on a tightrope will feel like this is all some sort of test and won’t trust it for a really really long time so you have to be patient and be in it for the long haul. You’ve proved to them for the longest time that they aren’t date worthy and that you are an unreliable romantic partner and they’ve witnessed it so you’re going to have to prove each and every day that you can be trust worthy and reliable and also that they are worthy of love because you caused that insecurity. They wouldn’t be insecure with anyone other than you so it’s up to you to mend the cracks you caused. My ex didn’t do that the first time and we ended up breaking up after a very heated argument about why I don’t trust him. He’s trying again from the beginning but I still can’t see him as trustworthy yet since it’s only been a few weeks but it is helping me to overcome some part of the insecurity that I’m not good enough to date by seeing his efforts and patience in order to be with me. I hope ML can be patient and slowly rebuild trust and an actual bond rather than a trauma bond with MC and I hope MC can slowly learn that he is worthy of love and that ML does love him so he can show his love too.
I get it. The relationship is so fragile to begin with that you don’t want to put any pressure on the other person for fear that will be the straw that broke the camels back. It all feels so fake. Every gesture, every kiss, every I love you feels like they’re saying it to keep you rather than because they actually want to be with you romantically. It’s painful to be in a relationship like theirs. And what ML isn’t understanding is that MC isn’t doing this to be spiteful or out of jealousy or anything like that, he’s doing this because he feels like he’s on a tightrope and one wrong move is detrimental to his whole livelihood. The correct way to deal with this is to take it slow and from the beginning again. No sex, no kisses, no cuddles. You go on dates, you learn more about each other and pretend you knew nothing about them to begin with (that’s important to start over). Only then can you feel the relationship building and then intimacy can happen and words of affirmation can go on. It’s such a slow process though because the one who feels like they’re on a tightrope will feel like this is all some sort of test and won’t trust it for a really really long time so you have to be patient and be in it for the long haul. You’ve proved to them for the longest time that they aren’t date worthy and that you are an unreliable romantic partner and they’ve witnessed it so you’re going to have to prove each and every day that you can be trust worthy and reliable and also that they are worthy of love because you caused that insecurity. They wouldn’t be insecure with anyone other than you so it’s up to you to mend the cracks you caused. My ex didn’t do that the first time and we ended up breaking up after a very heated argument about why I don’t trust him. He’s trying again from the beginning but I still can’t see him as trustworthy yet since it’s only been a few weeks but it is helping me to overcome some part of the insecurity that I’m not good enough to date by seeing his efforts and patience in order to be with me. I hope ML can be patient and slowly rebuild trust and an actual bond rather than a trauma bond with MC and I hope MC can slowly learn that he is worthy of love and that ML does love him so he can show his love too.