I was reading the official translation, and the afterword in Toui’s book made me check the unofficial translation, because I don't remember it sounding so impersonal and a bit cold–referring to his boyfriend as “roommate.” The unofficial version feels much warmer and more personal.
Unofficial: To the person living with me, of whom I borrowed his name from, thank you. Please take care of me.
Official: To my roommate whom I got the name of the protagonist from. Thank you always, and best regards.
Chapter 5 Unofficial: "I love you. I'm sorry. I really do... love you."
Official: "I love you. I'm sorry. I really do think... I love you."
This was supposed to be the last time they would make love, so Toui was really clinging to Tsukushi, wanting him to "Come home". That’s why the unofficial translation feels more natural.
I know it might sound nitpicky, but the difference really changes the meaning and vibe of the scene. In the official version, Toui comes across as more uncertain and distant, while in the unofficial version he feels more desperate and sincere.
Still, this is a really good story. Quite realistic. I just wish the author had shown more of how Toui changed and wrote more extra chapters. I've rated this 5/5 a long time ago.
I was reading the official translation, and the afterword in Toui’s book made me check the unofficial translation, because I don't remember it sounding so impersonal and a bit cold–referring to his boyfriend as “roommate.” The unofficial version feels much warmer and more personal.
Unofficial:
To the person living with me, of whom I borrowed his name from, thank you. Please take care of me.
Official:
To my roommate whom I got the name of the protagonist from. Thank you always, and best regards.
Chapter 5
Unofficial:
"I love you. I'm sorry. I really do... love you."
Official:
"I love you. I'm sorry. I really do think... I love you."
This was supposed to be the last time they would make love, so Toui was really clinging to Tsukushi, wanting him to "Come home". That’s why the unofficial translation feels more natural.
I know it might sound nitpicky, but the difference really changes the meaning and vibe of the scene. In the official version, Toui comes across as more uncertain and distant, while in the unofficial version he feels more desperate and sincere.
Still, this is a really good story. Quite realistic. I just wish the author had shown more of how Toui changed and wrote more extra chapters. I've rated this 5/5 a long time ago.