Great comment!! You just made me cry again the scene where Mamiya kept telling Sada that he loved him was already tragic in so many ways and now you made me realize it was even more heartbreaking than I thought i’ll never be happy again thank you
you grasped their relationship so well my hearts heavy again
We can suffer together :’)
there’s also a Twitter comic about Sada’s past relationships that may offer some insight into his perspective on relationships/love and his dynamic with Mamiya. Essentially, somebody he was in a sexual relationship with (probably friends with benefits since that’s what sada says he’s into) was mentally unstable and the fact Sada isn’t the type to say I love you or be in a romantic relationship bothered the guy and he lost it, coming after Sada with a knife.
I think this adds to his relationship with Mamiya because some people think Sada didn’t love him back, but this was Sada’s most loving and deep relationship. He typically only had sexual relationships but Mamiya is sex adverse due to his trauma so Sada being understanding and considerate of that shows his care for Mamiya. Sada is adverse to romance due to his parents failed marriage/past experiences while Mamiya is adverse to sex because of his trauma, and yet the two made something work between them and healed something in the other. I will never get over these two. Ever!!
Sorry, I didn’t realize all the Twitter extras had been posted so you know all that… I read them before they had been compiled here and didn’t realize!
Spoilers for the final chapter regarding the Japanese text.
It’s important to me that readers know that in the Japanese version, during their last conversation as Sada falls asleep, Mamiya goes from using suki to daisuki to aishiteru. It’s hard to capture in English but it shows his desperation to convey how deeply he feels and also this vulnerability from him regarding his feelings that we’ve never seen before. He realizes deep down this may be the end and he’s scared. Sada is very sleepy and can barely respond and Mamiya continues. I will truly never get over this scene.
I also love all the moments where Sada realizes the care Mamiya puts into things for him. Despite how he acts, Sada can see through him and understands just how fragile he is and treats him so gently even though Mamiya can be rude in his insecurity. I love when they travel to the place Mamiya’s ex-friend turned rapist is (still wish they ground him into beef, fuck that loser idc that he was being bullied. He brought Mamiya into it and betrayed him so he’d take the brunt of it all) and it turns into a trip for the two of them. Sada notices the catalog Mamiya studied looking for fun things for Sada and book marked them, then Mamiya adjusting the hot tub for him beforehand without saying anything so it would be comfortable and safe for Sada. And the reveal that he didn’t turn Sada into a zombie for science, he did it because Sada was the only person who ever looked out for him and he thought how he died was too cruel and that if his research could save anyone, the person most deserving was somebody like Sada. He thought the world of Sada. Mamiya is so sweet deep down, he’s just used to having that crushed. The scene where he sees Sada right before he is killed and starts having practice conversations asking Sada to hang out always squeezes my heart while punching my gut. I love Mamiya.
(Also bonus chapters on Twitter reveal Mamiya’s aunt was sleeping with her younger female assistant and had scandalous photos of her in her bedroom. Sada points out that it seems like they had a relationship and Mamiya freaks out being like no way because of the age gap. The author did something similar with a female character, I believe a mother of a character from one of her bls, where she explains in a post script that this woman we never saw was a lesbian and hiker lmao. I need her to give us a GL already)