Kinda the same conclusion I had after reading the novel. Everyone wants to hate on the top but there are circumstances that made him that way. We have to understand that too from a point of view.
I was also thinking the same thing. While it is true that we are not perfect as we are just humans to begin with, cheating will always be a choice. You have the choice to given in or stay. Take note that jiang(seme) started cheating way before it was found that lewis had cancer. If you have read the novel(you have to because there are moments and points that the manhwa missed out), Jiang changed for the worst when he became ceo of the company and he became arrogant. It was mentioned in the novel that all throughout their relationship, jiang loved himself more than he loved zhishu. It was not until zhishu’s conditioned worsen he realized that he indeed loved uke morethan what he thought. It was even mentioned that he was selfish to begin but he mellowed down when they were poor. In the end, it will always be a choice. It will be a choice to cheat and it is a choice to stay. Basically, They were cowards. Both of them ran away from their problems or circumstances instead of facing it. they were trapped in a circumstance wherein they were unsure whether to stay or not and i think that’s how complicated love is. Yes we are humans and we make mistakes every now and then but i think it’s not okay to use our weakness or circumstance to validate cheating. At the end of they day, cheating is despicable.
This literally sums up everything I’m feeling rn
Now I'm not justifying his actions AT ALL, in fact I'm personally disgusted, but after some reasonable deep thinking I came to this conclusion.
Even though what he did was awful, it's not up to us to judge him for it. Why? He's been married for 15 years (i think) and his partner grew increasingly unresponsive in bed (because of cancer and other reasons). Overtime, his sexual desires start jumping out of the bag and he starts believing that its okay to cheat because hes having loveless affairs and his heart is still with his lover. I think of it as in the beginning, he felt guilt and disgust like ur average reader but overtime he kept lying to himself and giving himself excuses to y it was ok to have affairs, that theyre loveless and he still truly loves the bottom. This spirals out of control and now he's able to completely push away his guilt, thus being viewed as an antagonist. However, his choices although disgusting are backed up by logical reason (that varies from one person to another) and he wouldnt know of the consequences until he got busted (which is when the lies he not only told his lover but himself start crashing down and he knows how awful he truly is). Although he's not as much of a victim as the faithful bottom, I think the top is still indeed a victim of his own desires (which are harder to contain, varying from each person), the circumstances he's under, and etc.
An example to help illustrate my thesis: I'm not the perfect person. Lets say I get in a fight with my best friend and at the moment were not in conditions where we can talk to each other. So out of momentary anger I talk shit about them behind their back. It's all in light-heartedness and I tell myself that it's okay because in the end, they're still my best friend and we'll love each other no matter what. However, everyone including them finds out I talked shit and they all start pointing their fingers at me like I'm some toxic monster. Regretting everything I did, I try to apologize to my friend but they're convinced by their friends that I truly am toxic and break off all ties with me. No one's perfect.
Remember, any of yall could turn out to be him. In the beginning, he was innocent, naive, and wholesome. 15 years is a long time and can change ppl. Even though im disgusted now, I cant say for certain I wont do the same in the future under the same circumstances. No ones perfect including the top who has very common human flaws (which is why he's so well written). Hate the crime not the person