Complicated feelings

Disclaimer: this is a long post. Read at your own discretion.

I love this story. These characters are not exactly likable but they are relatable, they are characters that I am attached to. They are not perfect people, just like us. Miura is a "victim" in this situation but so is Jun. Okay, most of this rant will be dedicated to Miura because I found her to be such a naive and ignorant person who wants to be an ally. She is likable but also... just so frustratingly ignorant.

I felt like it was distasteful for her to feel offended and defend gay men but then go on to say that she likes BL because its fantastical and that no one around her is gay. The knowledge she carries about gay men has no merit if she continues to stay ignorant and blind to the reality of gay men in Japan - the fact that she can say "I don't have anyone me like that" is purely her privilege. She is blind to the fact that, like Jun, there are definitely gay men and other queer people around her but they have to seem straight for HER comfort. She does not deserve to be treated as such but I find that she did not put the effort to understand Jun. She pushed her feelings onto him and assumed he liked her because he simply kissed her and went on dates with her. She was not looking at Jun. She was not watching to see his affection for her. It is not her fault, nor is it Jun's. This is a complicated situation; however, I do not see Miura as Jun's victim. I see them both victims of the situation but I must be clear that this situation was a result of BOTH their actions. It was not solely perpetrated by Jun.

And that almost sex scene - oh, that made me so angry. To Miura: YOU ARE NOT THE VICTIM, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT JUN BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. HIM MOVING AWAY WAS HIM SAYING TO YOU "NO". YOU MAY HAVE CONSENTED BUT HE DID NOT. DON'T BE ANGRY THAT HE GAVE YOU BLUE BALLS! Geez, this scene pissed me off because this was definitely a moment in which she ignored his feelings. This is when she was oblivious to JUN. She saw her boyfriend but she missed in seeing Jun.

I am rooting for them both... especially Jun. Miura will be hurt, she may be scarred from this relationship (if it comes to light, which I hope it does). But she has to realize that she is not the only victim. In the end, Jun will face further pain, he will face further discrimination. Miura has the chance to find someone else, be happy, have a family, display filial piety. Jun's chance of that same happiness is not as high as hers. I am not blaming her. Miura is a sweetheart and I see myself in her. I am also a straight fujoshi. I am an ally but I must admit that I fail and I am ignorant and often display my privilege. I was disappointed in Miura because I saw myself in her. However, as I see myself in her, I continue to root for Jun and that leads me to prioritize his happiness over hers because in my reality, people like Jun are often stopped in their tracks towards happiness. Because she has a large chance to finding happiness and Jun's reality often prohibits him from finding happiness. Of course, he is not an angel. He was wrong too. However, this is not a plot that is so black and white. He was wrong but also right to do what he did. If he had not protected himself, who knows what could happen? Hopefully we can get more of Miura's point of view. I don't hate her but I do find that her ignorance and naivety is dangerous and hurtful.

I really love this story. I thought it was going to be about a gay boy who befriends a fujoshi but this story is not as light hearted as I thought. This manga is even better, hitting the topics of normality of sexuality, STIs, code switching, and more. Rather than a heart warming story, this is a hard hitting plot that pushes its readers to understand its characters and the worlds they have been sucked into.

Thank you for those who reached this point in my post. I had a lot of emotions reading this and I couldn't keep it in.