Omg I totally understand how the uke feels. My best friend and I went through this turmoil...

Omg I totally understand how the uke feels. My best friend and I went through this turmoil, not as extreme of course.
I was always first in school grades, but she got everything else, popularity, wealth and more understanding parents. She was good in music and dancing and I adore her. Tho I got really insecure when she started catching up in grades because my mum would compare our grades since we are always together. Our classmates that always rely on me for homework did not give me as much attention. It pushed me to a corner and made me feel like if I do not have my grades, I am not worthy anymore. I have no identity without my good grades. Because of that I lashed out at her like the MC, it was really immature and I recognised it when we reconciled, that was a few years after our high school graduation.
I realised when I came out as bisexual a few years ago that I've always been in love with her since the beginning, but my jealously blinded all my emotions due to how the Asian society view the importance of grades. When we drifted apart and she started to have another closer friend, I did not even understand my own anger and I lashed out even more. I would avoid her on purpose and make my own friends. I saw her hurtful expression and it hurt me even more. She would then start to avoid me as well. We hurt each other more and more but then later on we had a crying feast and wrote letters and reconciled. Now she is my best friend and also someone I once loved very much during my teenager years. We both have our own partners now, but I always thought of the what if, if I was not pressured by others and did not hurt her instead. How would we turn out? I always wish I could turn back time and be more matured, less emotional and wiser. It is extremely lucky for me that I managed to salvage the whole situation due to how much we loved each other. But... There's always the what if.