beta
i wrote once in my journal that the last people I'll ever love my whole life (i was 15 something) was my family. i said that not as a romantic confession but as a surrender to this cycle of building resentment and being guilty for the resentment then forgiving them for the slightest gesture of kindness. i thought love was sht, a curse. the consciousness of that scared all the love in me, the familial hold was impossible to shake off so i just decided I'll never start anything.
i totally get it, it was confusing and it was hell.