Chi's Favorite

Please beware of this spoiler this is a MTL of chapter 177 of the novel. Contains themes of suicide. This is a Larriet and Lupert moment. This is way ahead into the future of the story, so beware. From the novel spoiler thread.

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I had a dream. It was a sad nightmare. I've seen it in my dreams again and again, but I'm still afraid, repeating the regression. That thing that I couldn't get used to was over and over again.

In my dream, I turned twelve again, and I visited Rupert again. I once again used a child who had not done anything wrong and was going through dire times.

Now, knowing what he liked and what he considered terrible, it was much easier to win his heart.

While whispering sweet words, Anxiety wrapped the night around and sang a lullaby to the child who could not sleep easily. I didn't even cry out to believe me. Rupert cherished me, who stood by me silently and eventually became emperor. And he ruthlessly executed me for taking Akan's blood.

I cherish you, but couldn't I give you a throne? He believes in me that there is no greed for the throne, but he cannot believe in Belois.

It was the end of the fiery autumnal landscape of Belois. The field of silver grass, which was as thick as a feather, burned red. The house, which was surrounded by flames and left only a skeleton, collapsed and Lehan was laid on a pillar.

I strain my strength to save him, but I was weak. No matter how much tears I shed, it was not enough to put out the fire on Lehan's body. Lupert was watching me from afar with his signature expressionless face. He turned away from me asking for help. I died that way in the dream.

When I woke up from death again, I was 12 years old again. I was angry with Rupert, who abandoned me.

I poured my heart into you so much, no, I pretended to pour it out, but how can you kill me so coldly? Didn't you get comfort in me?

Unprovoked anger sprang up. I hoped that he would truly cherish me while I was deceiving him.

It was wrong to pretend to love him without loving him, but I was a selfish person who didn't know how to reflect on myself in my dreams. Lehan, 11 years old, was young, his young father was caring, and his mother was sweet. I wanted to protect them.

So this time I went to find little Rupert and stabbed him on Fifth Avenue. The boy who had been stabbed by me, who had never met before, fell down on the spot. Princess Rapert, who was only 13 years old. The cheeky boy who came out of Fifth Avenue and left a street food was a little smaller and thinner than me. Bare arms, weakness trampled by the ruthless emperor. It was weak enough to laugh.

Fierce blood flowed from a body that was so small and slender that I couldn't believe he would become Rasperrich I, who was so cruel that even a single drop of blood wouldn't come from his stabbing. It was difficult to determine whether he was too surprised at the early death of the woman.
The good-hearted merchant who gave me one more steamed dumpling was surprised and left the store as it was, and ran away. Rupert's blood-stained sword fell to the ground and rang a refreshing metallic sound.

Clang

Rupert, still breathing, was looking up at me. Big eyes full of resentment. Green eyes with tears. In the meantime, I watched the child dying blankly because of the beautiful sunlight on her fine eyelashes. sorry. But you will grow up and kill me. He made a small atonement, but his glances against me didn't go away.

Similar dreams have been repeated several times. I made several choices, but there were only two endings. It was the same when I abandoned Belois and ran away.

Either I kill him, or he kills me, or one of them must die. It would be a fate that couldn't be happy together, so I gave up soon because I wasn't sure I could hear it or be right no matter what decision I made.

I just understood that we were so miserable that there was nothing we could do about it. I cried because I felt sorry for myself and felt like a loser. My last choice was right. I had to die for Lupert and Belois.

Then I opened my eyes.

I thought it was a repetition of my dream again, but the heavy breath made me realize the reality, because in my dream I was invincible. My head hurts as if torn.

Feeling the pain meant that I was alive. I felt disillusioned because I thought I had failed even in death.

Intense emotions like self-doubt came first, and reason came back very slowly. It's hard enough to recognize that I'm awake.

The warmth of the furnace seeping through my fingertips on a winter night was as slow as warming my body. The feet sticking out of the blanket were cool, but the neck was still dry as if in a fire.

As I moved my stuttering hand, a blurry outline that I could not see properly moved, and a glass of water touched my mouth.

Who is it? Is it Elaine?

The palace was so old and abandoned, but who on earth saved me? Was there not enough oil for the fire to burn?
After I lost my mind, it may have been all blown out by the wind. But the fire from the oil wouldn't have gone off easily.

I wanted to ask him, who looks like the person who saved me. Why am I alive? But my mouth couldn't open, so I only blinked my eyes and expressed my gratitude to the person who handed me water. Cool water moistens my lips. Even without touching it with my hands, I could feel the painted lips. How long has it been? Does Rupert know this situation?

“Ru…”

I had to get up before he found me. I have to die this time. I’m going to go up to the higher tower and throw myself into it. If I'm too scared, why don't I hire someone to push me?

“….”

The benefactor who only looks like a gray silhouette like a shadow said what. Again, in the consciousness of becoming weak, I reached out and grabbed the other person. Oh, I can't fall asleep.

“n-no…”

There is no time. I had to act before Rupert or my father found me, and I was holding onto him even in the dark moments. I didn't want to lose my mind like this, so I was struggling with my fingers and that person stroked my hand when I trembled. As if it was comforting me, I slowly calmed down. Night again. my vision turned black.

A whisper was delivered to my ears, which only crackled like a broken gramophone, but could not deliver the sound.

Lariet, Lariet
It was like my name.

When I opened my eyes again, I was able to raise myself to see if I had recovered. The first thing I did was to find out where I was lying. I've been eager to end my life properly, both in my dreams and in reality. And I was desperate. It was the first room I saw, but I was able to be sure that it was in the Imperial Palace. The familiar decoration of the pillars caught my eye.

From the elaborate sculpture, I noticed that this was the place inside the main palace. I figured out the fluffy fur quilt covering my body. Only the emperor can use the dark red light In the Imperial Belnerni.

Rupert

“You woke up”

The man with his head in the corner of the bed slowly lifts up. It was a corner seat that seemed pitiful, and there was a sofa next to the bed that seemed to fit the other side of the bed as if it was very determined and kept by my side. It is so close that I wonder why I didn't find it as soon as I got up.

He was very peaceful, not surprised by what happened to me.

“Your Highness”

“Now It’s Your Majesty”

"Your Majesty... Oh, that’s right. Your Majesty, honor your ascension to the throne."

Rupert laughed as if I was a joke. But his face was so gaunt that I was a little surprised.
It's difficult to figure out the situation, why am I here? If he knows everything about me, there is no reason to save me. If so, do you not know anything yet?

"Why"

“…”

“Why do you do that.”

I raised my head, listen to Rupert's question. He was fully awakened, but the face still did not express any feelings.
His dark eyebrows were neither distorted nor biting his lips. But strangely enough, I felt as if I were watching a crying child.

“Why are you trying to die.”

“Did you not get my letter?”

Could it be that Tori didn't tell? I thought she'd do that for the last time. The brief letter contained explanations that would allow you to fully understand Lupert, if not circumstances.

“I got it.”

“Did you read it?”

“I read it.”

Rupert answered as if he were a well-behaved child, but frowned. It's better if your muscles move like that when your face is frozen white. I spoke as if I were sighing.

“Then you know why I had to.”

“…”

“I should be the one who have to ask why, Your Majesty.”

Your majesty

It was still an awkward title to speak of. I suddenly wondered what title he would have received. It's Rasperrich I, but I'm afraid he's got a different name. Is it a little different from then? I swallowed up my curiosity

“Why did you save me?”

Lupert's left hand was badly charred. It's a burn. It wasn't as fine as it was when he was a princess, but it was clean without a scar. The long stretch of fingers remained, but it didn't look good. I guessed it was him who rescued me from the fire.

It was Lupert again. He is always the one who saves me from danger. There was no way to save myself, and now I thought I could put myself in danger if I wanted to hurt him.

“Why are you saving me”

He frowned slightly. He had scratches like a scratch that drew under his eyebrows, but he was still perfectly handsome. I recalled the face of Rasperrich I. It looked exactly the same, but he didn't have such a scar. It was smooth like ceramics. There will be no one who cares enough to save that scar.

"Because I don't want you to die."

Lupert's voice was invincible but calm. There is not even a little hesitation in the tone of being quite natural. But it didn't help much to understand his behavior. I opened my mouth again.

"...why don't you want me to die?"

“Because I want you.”