philla's Things

do you guys remember when we couldn't post or write anything on here for a good while like a couple months. I just thought of it. I cant remember why it got shut off tho was it cuz something got leaked or a problem with the authors??

I was scrolling thru insta and saw my dads account pop up in my recommended and his profile is him and the girl he's cheating on my mom with giving him a kiss on the cheek. he's tried to introduce me to her before but I dont take none of that bs I kinda just go Welp and move on but how do you guys cope or how did you react when you found out your parent was cheating?

Lowkey this place be my blog space sometimes~
but I was thinking the other day about the word performative how its being thrown around a lot and it kinda sounds like a negative word referring to people (mainly male manipulator matcha boys) who like to outwardly express themselves with aesthetics and stuff now excluding the matcha manipulators- being called "performative" is exactly what it looks like, performing, whether it's for other people or even for yourself. You're showing the way you want to be seen. You're putting out what you want to be like. And whether that’s “real” or not—how could it be fake if you’re the one doing it? You’re showing the version of you that you want people to see. You’re basically saying, “Hey, this is how I want to be, this is me.” And whether that version sticks or changes over time—that’s up to you but I absolutely hate how its become a bad thing to want to preform. I want to be a fairy princess like I want to be magical. Why does that have to be embarrassing or fake? just for wanting to be that way? and still even knowing all that I catch myself thinking even for a split second, wait, is this too performative? am I being fake? just for even wanting too be that way its messing with my perception of myself why am I questioning how I express myself?

if anyone wants to add any thoughts go ahead~

One of my closest friends has been hooking up with my brother. I’m not sure how far it’s gone and I honestly don’t wanna know. They were friends before I was friends with her, so I feel like I don’t have much of a say in what they do since I came into the picture later. But me and her got closer than her and my brother. I’m pretty chill and a “do what you want, I don’t care” kind of person, so their hooking up didn’t really bother me at first. But recently, it’s been weird. They’ve been sneaking around thinking I don’t know, and sometimes doing stuff when we’re all hanging out in a little group with some other friends. Like, you can do your thing, I don’t care, just not around me.

When she comes over, he’ll sometimes hang out with us and they’ll flirt and stuff, and I’ll just be there. Now I’m wondering, is this an issue? I feel like me and her friendship has this weird thing in it now because we can’t be totally open about everything because of her and my brother. I don’t wanna talk about their thing, but I want to be able to talk about everything with her, and I love hanging out with her. Is this a real friendship problem, should I do anything?

I rlly like reading Yaoi and BLs bc they so much more interesting than shoujo or straight ones but sometimes when im on the spicy parts I stop and im like omygod what If my friends found out I read this or is it rlly ok for me to be enjoying this.like I just feel guilty for the randomest reasons.- mabey I just care what ppl think abt me too much idk