So uh it’d be nice to hear people’s perspectives on this situation in rlly confused ab, any opinions would b helpful.
So me (f) have had a crush on another friend (f) for a while, like it started three years ago. it was rlly crazy for me cause it was the first girl crush i ever had, and the first crush that was like serious. She’s rlly friendly and social and was always observant and helpful to others yk, it started first as platonic admiration but then developed to sth more. She then left for a an exchange year and i didn’t see her for the time, my feelings defo like less since i didn’t see her/ nor had contact, but some were always there.
She then came back and everything resurfaced for me, to me she got even more amazing than before. And we got closer at the start and i got rlly excited and happy, but then i found out she had gotten a gf from her exchange year and we’re now doing long distance, i was rlly shocked and acted like i was happy for her, i mean i rlly was, but i was just sad for myself yk. so i tried to repress my feelings and to get over it on my own before she could know. But one time i invited some friends over and we were drinking and talking, and then we were talking ab sexualities and i sorta ‘confirmed’ that i was bi, all my friend including her were rlly shocked from this, and me, drunk and stupid, continue saying like yeah i even had this huge crush on a female friend bla bla. and apparently they connected the dots on who it was. and since that day she distanced herself from me, understandably so. but i was even more heartbroken, i mean i was sad to “lose” her as a romantic interest but even more so as a friend, i hoped my stupid blunder could he been something to laugh about together. And it was rlly hard cause i never got to rlly confess properly and have closure. So a few months past, like around 4, and i’m at another function. things have gotten better we were on respectful talking terms, and with the influence of alcohol, i told her that i hoped everything would be ok between us again, that id never thought or would try to come between her relationship, and just wanted to be friends again. i remeber she said sth along the line of, she needed to process it and it just took some time. Right now everything’s okay again, most of my feelings are gone/repressed and she is also no longer in a relationship. last week we were just talking tgt when i felt this impulse/ thought “i want to kiss her” and i’ve had dreams and whatnot. i feel so stupid, i know there’ll probably always be feelings there for her but i don’t want to feel this way anymore. idk what to do
did stay up too late reading yaoi
