Marshmallow's Things

My cat dies yesterday.... Don't mind me, I don't know how to grieve, i don't know who to talk to, my heart really can't handle this right now. Been crying non stop since i heard the news.
She's the cat who love to clean the most (among all the cat i saw & had), she smells nice because of it, her fur so white and soft, i love kissing her head the most, sniff her belly while she cuddles with me, she had this cute fluffy black tail that would wrap around my finger when i stroke her fur. She love to sleep on the specific black chair in the living room, at night she love to sleep on my feet. She's not a fussy eater, but she love to eat and eat a lot till her belly full.
She died by getting hit by vehicle outside, i don't know who and what type of vehicle, my heart crushed so much when my neighbour inform me about her body being tossed aside at the side of the road. To see her condition when she died, i really can't, my heart really can't. She used to be the cat who love to clean and beauty the most, to see her soft white fur dirty with blood and dirts.
I blame myself, maybe i should have put you in cage, i don't know, i should took care of you better, i should have been there when you in the most pain, you must've been scared that time, im sorry i can't clean your fur one last time like you clean it, im sorry you're soft fur not pretty anymore, im sorry, im so sorry