Um this is like my comeback, I made this account since years ago and yeah just forget about it
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へ ♡ ╱|、
૮ - ՛ ) (` - 7
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乀 (ˍ, ل ل じしˍ,)ノ
ⓘ This person is... ⓘ
Hana; she/they⠀⠀
The urge to read yaoi is increasing but I still can hold it in
My English is becoming rusty and I'm scared. It's a sign. I'm healing
Don't like how my ass became my center of the pain while on period.
I miss writing, I miss journalling, I miss venting and yapping on this page
Happy Eid Mubarak... It feels weird. I restraint myself for one month. I can finally read yaoi again. I mean I'm always like this. Idk.
Gwan sik set the standard too high. May this love find me.
I have no attachment. Delete je comment.
I love how it's natural for me to just converse in English
So many story to be told here but once I open this site, I forgot. AHHHHH IM SO FUCKING BUSY TWO DAMN WEEK AND HARINI BARU RASA TENANG SIKIT
I fucked up big time. I overspent my budget and now I have no money to eat, to pay for my university fee, I borrow my roommate money... I don't have any money left.
I almost tell my irl about my username here. Pls I promise myself to never tell her about this site. Pls myself
Damn it's been 3 months since I last wrote here. I've been so busy and shit. Alr so first of all, I want to write a lot of thing, what happened etc but I've been stressing a lot. And it's draining to do anything. I can't even function well. I think maybe since the second semester is almost over. I'll finally able to feel a closure. Damn I miss rotting in my bed. Secondly, I just happened to read a bl manga. Blessed everyone "same sex don't have anything that ties them together unless they're having a child or marriage" tf, so being together meant you have to fill out the form. Birthing. That's disrespectful.
I hate guideverse with my whole being. I hate the feeling of being use. Also force psychical. Don't have any choices. You were bind to someone. Drain yourself for other. Damn I hate this subgenre sm. Most of the story contain rape and there's no love in the beginning. Sex without love? Yes you can have sex for fun but I choose what I read. I may complain but I'll never read those. I've read few out of curiosity to try wtf is this. Alr maybe there's wholesome story out there that I haven't read yet. But most of it are angsty....
Let's talk about romantic feeling. Or just feeling in general. I've been struck with a weird feeling. I called it attraction against will ahahaha. It's so weird. Never thought I could feel like this. It feel suffocating. I can't control the feeling. I hate it so much. I should accept it and be understanding but no. I don't want to acknowledge it. Honestly I don't even know what types of feeling it is. Have no idea. Never in a billion people, I'd choose her inside the room. Thinking about this made me depressed lmao I wish to kms. It's so bad. I finally understood how... I never thought about this topic deeply. I just thought if that time came then I'd deal with it. Sexual preference is easy to understand but romantic feeling. I got a knack for women but I never dive deep down enough into the hole lol I'm scared. What if I never get out? What if I stuck there with no way out? What if I no longer can act normal... I'm normal. I'm talking about me. I still have social duty... Being with woman isn't wrong at all... But I'm scared of me. I don't want to get hurt. It's better to off myself when I can't live being myself or pretending to be a dutiful daughter. I'm in this shameful shell I'm choose to be in. Fyi I'm transparent asf. I was outed one time. I tired of telling this story. Just wanna say it was the most horrible thing a person did to me. Even if the one you're telling is my best friend. ...gosh I'm getting depressed again. Just when I find myself a little reason to live. This is no laughing matter. I might be talking like it's about nothing big. But people are being killed for "against the nature" I don't want to- oh god I'm getting deep there. Hmm
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