Nosequeponer's Things

Today was my first time cosplaying and omfg
My feet hurt, my head hurts, my forehead hurts, my eyes hurt, but it was fun overall, ppl took pictures w me and I bought so many stuff!!!
But omg it's tiring, the first 2 hour I already got tired

I truly fucking hate it, it always feels like something's wrong w me
Why do I have to get frustrated so gast qhen there's a change of plans, I hate crying for nothing, I hate not being able to get social clues, I hate being socialy awkward, I js it
I hate having to over explain myself bc they think I'm trying to start a fight, when in reality im just communicating, I hate getting overwhelmed to fast and not being able to control my emotions sometimes
I just feel so out of place aaaaaallll the time
And I know my sister supporst me and all, but I feel such a burden for her

This isn't a debate, I js need to let this out of my system, it's just as the title says
And I'm not only talking about how rape is now perceived by some people as this thing that "just happens", and you can look pass through that, that's one thing
The thing that bothers me more is the fact that people sympathize w rapists when they have a remotely sad little backstory/childhood
(in the case of fictional depiction, like in mangas/hwas/huas)
It is necessary to first establish that rape is not a behavioral or mental disorder, but a criminal offense. Although some rapists may have a psychological disorder, there is no such disorder that compels people to rape.
You can feel bad all you want about what has happened, and or continues to happen in their life, but to say that they deserve a happy ending, and a happy life where they forget their past, after what they did???????? That's crazy work
Rape is so normalize people don't understand the amount of damage it does to a person when it actually happens, or even when it's close to it happening
You wanna know who doesn't get to live a happy life forgetting what just happens? The victim.
Crazy how people sympathize more with rapists characters, saying that they're misunderstood, and that you should feel bad for him, more than the actual victim.

And it's sucking mine rn/j
I js wanna vent.
As much as I love my cat and she's my #1 reason to keep on living, I can't stop thinking about killing myself
I have her sleeping right beside me, her warmth, and her little tiny sounds when she stretches, and breathes make me so calm, but it also makes me feel the guilt you get when you realize even w all this, you still wanna die
I now these thoughts are temporary, they'll eventually go away, and I'll probably continue on living life as if that thought has never crossed my mind
But then I think about how even if I get better, even if I take medicine, even if I go to therapy, depression never really goes away, you can't really cure it forever
I'll live life with the constant thought haunting me in the back of my head, but ig for now I'll settle for taking a nap w my cat again

She's my everything, my love, my baby, and I love her so much
I haven't even noticed this, until today, but I sleep so much better w her presence around me, I don't even need for her to sleep by my side, or on top of me, which she always does
But when I'm sleeping in my room, and she's js there in her little bed, I sleep so much better, I'm much more calmer and I love her so much
If she ever dies, IF, I'm kms with her