NoTe's Favorite

How tf this man get up there

Ch. 20 was too much for me to read. My mom was a domestic abuse victim and used to hurt me to vent and also to get back at my dad. The abuse sometimes got so severe that one day I got a big wound on top of my head and she noticed only a few days later while washing my hair with shampoo and dried blood (or blood clots, I don't remember) started coming off. I was only 4 at that time. She chased me around the house with a big knife she used for cutting meat just cause I refused to go to school as I was being bullied. I was 5 at that time. I remember crying and begging my dad to save me while being chased around the house by her. He just kept eating his dinner silently as if I was invisible. I've been thrown outside the house at the de*d of the night (around the same time). I thought she was serious about not letting me go back into the house ever again. I tried going on the streets but it was so dark I came back into the building. I sat on the stairs for hours wondering where I should go. By the time of sunrise she pulled my hair and dragged me back into the house before anyone could come across me while leaving for work. I had been left alone in the house and the power cut off while my entire family would leave the house for the night. I would fall asleep crying before they would come back. As I started reaching the age of puberty, her abuse got severe. She used to call me the exact slurs ny dad would used on her for no reason at all. She used to beat me so severely that I would get blue marks on my body which would later turn black. I would often use my back as a shield after getting scratched on the eye once. She would beat on my back with all her might what felt like hours. Once when I was 11, I was taking my time in the bath to wash the dolls' clothes I had sewed after I was done taking a bathe and didn’t know she needed the shower. She suddenly started kicking on the door and as I peeped through the door she grabbed me by my hair and dragged me on the floor all the way to the living room. She started kicking me and slamming my head on the floor. My uncle (her younger brother) was visiting us at that time and came running but went back crying after seeing me naked (I already had my periods at 9 and developed breasts and butts by that time. I naturally have an extreme hourglass/ Kim K-ish body and already it started showing a bit). He just kept yelling and crying from the next room. My uncles and aunts (her younger brothers and sisters) would often cry telling each other what they had witnessed only a few times (or so I heard) and would try their best to make my life a little bearable (I'm thankful to them) but nobody could do anything as it's kind of in my culture, not to meddle with other people’s parenting method (things are slowly changing thankfully).
The physical abuse went on until I was 13 and the psychological and emotional abuse kept going on. My father is basically a narcissistic psychopath who seems to enjoys seeing people distressed and ruining their growth in any way possible and he didn’t spare me and my siblings either. It has been more damaging than whatever my mom did and I can't even hate my mom cause he abused her ten times more than what she did to me. I almost got trafficked by kidnappers when I was 4 cause he was careless when he took me out (after me and my mom being basically locked up in the house for months). I'm sure she pushed him to take me out. He entered into the phone booth and kept me outside when a man tried to lure me away with candy. I was cute as a baby so people around me would always notice me. Some university students nearby noticed the whole thing and apparently saved me and kept me guarded until my dad came out. That's probably the least damage he had done to me. He would often deliberately take hours to come pick me up after my school hours ended and I would cry in fear thinking he was never coming back to take me home. I would think I was left behind. One of the moms of a girl in my class noticed and stayed back once and confronted my dad. He did not like that threatened my mom to refuse to let me go to school if I cry on the school ground again. That's what caused her to chase me with the meat cutting knife.
I found out from my mom that she actually started beating me when I was around 2 yro. My father would refuse to use protection and force her to get ab0rtions to cause severe damages on her body (basically for protesting against cheating, acting inappropriately with young girls from her side of the family, spending all his money on pr0stitutes while keeping us barely alive). She requested to spare her when she fainted after coming back once (probably due to blood loss) and he just accused her that using birth control methods would make it easier for her to wh0re herself around Lol. Like he ever let her leave the house without him! She confessed to me that everytime she came from the shady clinic, she would throw me around the room and beat on my a*s and back. He deliberately gave her stds he got from s*x worker and refused to let her get treated (let alone paying for it) while he got the treatment for himself.

I'm trying to forgive and forget since they're my parents (specially my mom, since she's a breast cancer survivor who recently went through a long, painful treatment including Chemotherapy and one of her breasts removed) and I've definitely lived a better life if I consider the possibility of getting trafficked at that time. But it's just so tough to love them unconditionally. I mean there was a time desperately wanted them to love me so I did whatever I could to make them happy but they continued to damage even my education and career opportunities which has been the only things remaining in my life that could guarantee a peaceful and safe future for me.

Note : I'm not from USA or any other first world country so child protection laws specially if the perpetrators are parents, is basically non-existent. Children at the orphanages or orphans at the rural areas live way worse of a life than me in most cases. I mean at least they didn't starve me or let me get s*xually abused. I do try to think everything positively but honestly, I just think I simply wasn’t lucky enough to be born in a good environment and I just couldn’t have a better life than I had been living.