ezoe

DAMNNNNN AND IT WAS ALREADY ON THE EXCITING PART AHHHHHHHHH

I had a crush on my classmate for two years. I already graduated from college just recently, and after graduation, one of our friends invited us to his celebration. I decided to go, thinking it might be the last time I’d see everyone. I didn’t expect the guy I liked to be there too. I was genuinely happy and thrilled.

Everyone had a few drinks, and I ended up sitting beside him. I admit I got a little clingy—leaning into him, being a bit touchy—but not in a sexual way, just resting on his shoulder because he was already drunk.

When the drinking was over, we laid down to rest. The only empty space was beside me, so he laid there. That night, we got pretty close. We hugged, and I could tell he was uncomfortable staying at someone else’s place. I knew this because back when we had a field trip to Baguio, he couldn’t sleep well. Our rooms were just next to each other, and I remember he looked so uneasy. That time, we were playing cards and telling stories. I was sitting on the bed while he lay down beside me, and I gently stroked his back to comfort him. He eventually fell asleep and said it was thanks to me.

Back to that night after the party—we got close, really close. But the next morning, we acted like nothing happened. On the ride home, he sat beside me again and leaned on my shoulder to sleep. That ride was… special. When I got home, I was hesitant to message him because I didn’t know where we stood. But the next day, he messaged me first.

After that, we grew closer. We even went on a date—but I didn’t know it would be our last. That day, he had a panic attack. I panicked too because I didn’t know how to help. We were both emotionally unstable. After that, something changed. He told me he was scared to continue whatever we had because of how I reacted that day.

I tried my best to comfort him—I really did—but he said my way of handling it was wrong. What else was I supposed to do? That’s all I knew. Sorry if I can't give the right words that you wanted to hear, I'm not a therapist yk. I went home crying that night, riding my bike with my helmet soaked from tears. I didn’t even know how I made it home safely.

The next day, we decided to end whatever we had. I said okay… but truthfully, I wasn’t ready to let go.

Then one day, I accidentally sent him a reel that was meant for my friend—it had a slightly sexual tone. I unsent it, but he noticed and said he was about to reply. That made me wonder: was he interested in that kind of stuff? So, like a fool who still wanted to keep our connection, I went along with it. I entertained the conversations, even if it wasn’t what I really wanted.

But recently, I realized—where is my self-respect? I want love, not lust. Yes, I still want to talk to him, but not like that.

So yesterday, I stopped everything. I ghosted him. I uninstalled Instagram and TikTok. I only kept Messenger, but I restricted him there too.

I don’t care anymore. Why should I keep pleasing him? Why should I shrink myself just to be enough for someone who couldn’t even meet me halfway?

That idiot.