Ugly_Rose's Things

I'm starting to hate the things I used to enjoy... I no longer like sleeping as I can't dream of anything interesting anymore, I no longer have any interest of my favorite games and I don't want to buy any either as they all seem dull and useless to me, movies I used to love and watch not that long ago now suck to me and any new ones seem so boring, I don't even listen to the bands I used to love anymore nor just any music in general, I barely watch my favorite animes anymore and I'm starting to not care about them these days, shows and YouTubers I used to watch daily I now don't even touch them for weeks on end, and heck even the manga on here I used to check everyday to see if it updated I just stopped reading in general.... I no longer have any motivation to do the little hobby's I love such as making little random things out of clay or baking sweets for my family or even playing games with my brother and sister. I barely eat, barley sleep and what I mostly do is just doom scroll on YouTube, I even notice that my emotions and personality are starting to dull out and are fading!!! I just feel bored of my life as it just feels likes it's repeating, I wake up do school, play on phone, eat, then head to bed and wake up and do it all again!!! And yet I CAN'T feel myself getting out of this cycle. I WANT to change, I want to get a job and make some friends, I want go to a college and find my dream job, I want to start learning how to drive and finally get a car of my own and yet even tho I CAN imagine myself doing all of thjs I just can't find any motivation in my body to do so....I really don't know what to do about this, I can't go to therapy as my family is currently trying to move nor do I have the funds to do so myself and I can't talk about this irl as I no longer have any friends as I lost contact with anyone outside of my family and I'm scared of even bringing this up TO my parents as I'm scared they won't believe me and just think I'm doing this for attention. I feel stuck and loss and such burden to my parents that I feel guilty for even feeling this way.... I feel like my life is going into a loop and I hate it here...

Like I've been on this site for a while and it's so weird seeing shit on here that I've been reading for years now are slowly ending or have just posted there very last chapter... especially when it's something I've read pretty much every day now. And it sucks too like why are all the good things on here ending when the trash on here just keeps on dragging on, like what am I supposed to read now!!! It's so hard to find something new on here that doesn't just have 3 chapters or it slowly becoming hot garbage because the author doesn't want it to end!!! And it sucks too cause I've gotten so damn picky with shit I read on here that I rather spoil myself the end to see if it's even worth my time

Is it me or have female MC been getting more and more dumber by the day(especially pink hair ones)?? Like don't get me wrong there are a few who aren't but there a diamond in the rough, and I understand that sometimes you just want to read something with your brain turned off for a bit but like why do most of them have to be like that??! And I don't even understand it when it's an mc who've lived countless lives yet acts like a headless chicken when they are truly needed!! Is it for the ml to shine more??? Or do people just like making mc who are damsels in distress or mary sue's half of the time?? And then when you do find one where the mc is at least somewhat smart she goes straight into her abusers arms spouting that bullshit "oh he's changed" I really don't understand it anymore, I feel my brain cells leaving my fucking body half of the times reading them too

So the other day I had to go through some paperwork about college and my my drops the most biggest fucking bomb ever. Turns out I have a pair of younger twin siblings (fraternal twins boy and girl) from my bio dads side that I never knew, my mom said it so casually and I just froze staring at her in disbelief. She 100% believed that she told me before but I would have definitely remembered that shit?!!! Like WTF?!!! I'm 18 and their fucking 16, SIXTEEN!!! Idk how to feel about this, I can't talk about this to my fucking family nor do I have any friends to even process this with!!! One part of me wants to meet them but like what if they reject me?? Or don't even believe it. Like "oh hi I'm your long lost older sister from your dad who had a one night stand with my mom nice to meet you!!" I wouldn't even believe that shit if I just randomly got that, Like WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THEM??! That I didn't know they even existed for pretty much my whole ass life until NOW?!!! Bro what is with this Wattpad ass shit