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I had to read these two chapters a couple of times but I think I got it. Their relationship was always destined to fail because Joojin wanted someone who would prioritize him and Baek-Un can never do that. It took Baek-Un and Joobin too long to figure that out, leading to them being unable to cut each other off and continue to harm each other. The only time that Baek-Un expressed his love for Joobin was their drunken night together. Joobin never liked Baek-Un but kept up the charade because he wanted someone to love him. He knew Baek-Un wouldn’t “break up” with him because he was in love. He would call Baek-Un’s name affectionately but apologize shortly after (due to guilt for playing with his feelings, and that’s why Baek-Un wanted an apology). Since Baek-Un only ever prioritized himself and knew Joobin was putting a wall between them, he was too afraid to show his love. (“Even though I [Baek-Un] was the one who was always waiting and asking for comfort”). Joobin was shocked from the confrontation with Baek-Un because Baek-Un denying his feelings meant Joobin won’t have the one person, at that time, who was closest to fulfilling his ideal - a person who won’t ever abandon him. Earlier chapters already established that Joobin wanted love from others — testing them constantly, and would cut them off if they can’t give him that — but had only ever fallen for one person (his first love) before meeting Yikyung. I think my interpretation’s pretty solid but what do y’all think?