Suexiue's Things

I'm in my 2nd year of college right now and I want to make tons of friends and get along with people because it's so lonely eating by yourself and not doing anything for the past vacation. I think of joining a club but I'm having 2nd thoughts cause I need to pass the exams but if I manage to pass and get in the club, I'm so scared ill have no friends and I'll be akward to everyone in the group. It's an editorial team and I love to draw, specially drawings that has metaphors or conveys meanings and I'm applying for the position of a cartoonist.

This alone is already scary for me and I'm having 2nd thoughts whether or not I take the exams for it. I don't care if I fail but if I pass It'd be rude to back out immediately after joining. I joined mainly to have friends and possibly have a love life because I've been single since birth. I want all of those things people enjoy but I can't because I'm too introverted. It's not that I don't want friends, I want to have them but everytime I'm in a friendgroup I get left out because I don't say anything or is too quiet

But thing is?? I don't know what to say! I don't relate to their things everytime, they talk about school alot and I do too but im dumb at the same time! I get lost in their conversations. So I'm just left out half the time I hang out with them and it doesn't feel fun with me because when I'm alone with others we don't talk at all like we do in groups. I wanna chat too, I want to be social too but for some reason I just can't and lately I'm insecure about how I look.

I didn't use to care about my look until I went to college where everyone was beautiful, it's hard when my department is dominated by women. So many pretty girls meanwhile I'm here trying to be pretty but having shit fashion sense. My face feels sluggish and fat, I feel ugly when I'm around my friends. I feel stupid. So few of them have boyfriends/girlfriends and is or in situationship and I get jealous of that.

I want to to be able to just shine among others and not be their shadow, I want to be able to love someone without fearing of them breaking up with me cus im too boring. I want to be this silly funny friend but I can't and I don't know why.

Can't believe he spent 2 years in jail when he was INNOCENT! This is a gentle reminder that possibly not everyone guiltt is actually guilty... False accusations and spending 2 years for something he didn't even do wtf? Apparently the real guy had a tattoo and he didn't have one. Not one officer or even a detective saw that shit for 2 years!

People let it slide because they're the top and it is right because doesn't it seem creepy that an 18yo is having seggs with someone over 25+? I think that's a popular manhwa. Another one is that vampire BL where he's dressed up as a high schooler and he gets with this 27yo man. It gives off "she's a 1000yo so it's legal."