beta
i wish i could actually get close with other people, and i wish i was allowed to be selfish and happy, but my real personality is so atrocious and repulsive. i moved to a new place recently, and i’ve been making an effort to try and be more genuine, but its just the same it always is. If i’m not useful, and good, i get discarded. I heard someone say the worst thing that can happen is you could die, and i disagree, it’d be a relief if i could just die, the worst thing that can happen is being a burden on other people, thats why I can’t die, because people will feel burdened by my death. I’m just stuck in this state of constant self loathing and misery. I do try to get better, but its impossible without the money for therapy, i guess i’ll just be like this till i eventually die naturally or until I’ve isolated myself enough to where noone will be inconvenienced anymore. I have nothing and its just going to get worse.
Please don’t reply to this. I don’t want your pity