beta
Stilted writing. There no sense of time. no continuity. Characters aren't well written or rounded. First few chapters, the MC and ML and have made out twice and reader doesn't even know what they do for a living, or anything general about their lives. The only thing reader sees MC do is take his niece to playschool when he is not trying to seduce the ML. Why would
a reasonable reader even care about what happens to these characters if they don't know anything about them apart from the fact one wants to bang the other? ML doesn't seem he even has a personality. Amateur writing.