beta
When the villain was young, she became Extra #1 who deceived him and sold him as a s*ave. This girl,...
Ok. The art is nice. The main character are kids, not much of a problem.
Possible spoilers ahead!
The issue is that the author is probably also a kid. Wonderful ideas. Not anything especially new, but it has a unique spin and an ambitious (maybe a little too much) blend. The issue is the writing itself is quite weak. It introduces great ideas that could really build a beautiful world, but the author barely expands on it after introducing it. Some points in the story also seem kind of choppy, as in, there wasn't a very smooth buildup and transition into the next plot point. For example, whenever the MC found some sort of seemingly amazing item, she doesn't seem to dwell on the it or even use it impactfully at all. Such rare items could be showcased in a more epic fashion than simply being a convenient tool to progress the story. It also seemed rather inconsistent to me how much she, as one of the co-authors, seemed to know about her own world.
The biggest issue though is that this story would crumble apart if a single misunderstanding was resolved. I understand that there was intended to be some sort of character development for the MC to open up to others, but it makes little sense why she could open up about the fact that she's sick but for some reason didn't say it was curable at all. The part of the story where she makes the revelation to open up to others was also a bit too ubrupt to be especially moving.
The author clearly has a lovely heart with many sweet ideas. It would be amazing to see similar ideas well fleshed out in the future. I think I would have really enjoyed reading something like this if I were a little younger.