beta
i've been reading the translated chapters on lily, and tbh i'm debating just dropping this. i can read a lot of fucked up stuff, but reading the way juyeon torments jiwook and watching his mental state deteriorate is so painful. this story actually treats rape like rape and shows its aftermath in a relatively realistic manner, so it's hard to detach yourself by thinking of it as the old tropey rape you so commonly see in older bl (where it's depicted either as not a big deal or even humorously).
SPOILERS BELOW: GRAPHIC
other than the brutal rape, juyeon beats jiwook so much to the point he starts shaking whenever juyeon is near him, forces jiwook to piss and shit in "pads" and then looks at him like he's disgusting afterwards, leashes and confines him to a room with no freedom to go out, orchestrates his gangrape (apparently multiple times??), gives him a dogbowl to eat out of (which jiwook doesn't) and essentially starves him etc etc. apparently even more horrifying things happen in the future (such as jiwook getting raped by a dog, him having vivid hallucinations of his rapists, attempting suicide) but i haven't read that far yet so idk how true they are.
and all of this is depicted in a truly depressing and bleak manner where even after you find out what jiwook did to nake juyeon do all these things to him, you still feel bad for him. it's not often i wish for one of the main characters to just die in a story i read, but i think the best ending would've been juyeon dying and jiwook running away OR jiwook succeeding in his suicide attempt. but in the story jiwook and juyeon end up together in the end and that's so depressing to me. they will end up miserable for the rest of their lives together.