
What i only remember was this uke getting abused by this ML who's emperor(?) Or something,i forgot his exact position but it was Higghh. It's a magic story, because i remember the ML killing the uke and the uke managed to get back time thru a magic spell something where the the uke and ML still haven't met eachother. And the uke, not wanting to experience shit again, he's now purposely avoiding the ml, so the ml
U got cut off but maybe it’s this? https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/rebirth_1/
"The sounds I heard in my ears were like
harmonies you could only find underwater. If I
had to die, I wanted to drown in this ocean
named you. Death is scary. But I felt like I
wouldn't be afraid of any death if I died in your
arms."
When seungwon said that i nearly cried. How can a person love you so much that they would accept their deepest fears just to be with you.
In season 2, after he wakes up in the hospital he had this brief psychotic episode where he couldn't distinguish reality with his hallucinations from the building collapsing (past life) it got to a point where they had to sedate him cuz he was panicking so much . Also it's true he's addicted to alcohol since it's the only thing that soothes his body pain. But guys after they had a deep convo in the hospital, the seme actually helped him stop with the cigarettes (the uke suffers from addiction due to depression. Not a diagnosis but heavily implied) and i loved him for that
The novel had a great time telling the story thru the uke's pov. It'sike you're together with him when he's on his lowest. The writing in the novel is really good.
I read it on springofromance website yitled as "depressing illusion"