beta
when i first read this, j thought it was genuinely such a gorgeous story. i still do ofc, but after i realised was a cocsa survivor ive grown to appreicate the characyers ib a new light.
the fugue arima enters wheb he doubts the authenticity of his traits - if yhey belonged to him or to the abusers - made me truly feel a little less alone. my case wasnt all that violent or even bad so i still doubt it from tjme to time, bjt the agony and envy over ur lost childhood, and how he thinks of continuing rhe cycle of abuse onto the mc - even if just briefly - are aspects of trauma that clinical articles dont exactly examine well; i thibk theyre bettering my understanding of it all.
growing up i viscerally wanted to be somebody else as well, but i understand now i can only be content with the veracty in my own soul if i learn to acknowledge my strengths.
the portrayal of his growth is ineffably beautiful to me.
i thibk abiut thr theme of loneliness, too. i think ill probably go tell more of my loved omes about my own story.