Real Life Problems

Is it ok for me to not like my mom? She is an abusive parent to me and my sister and often swear badly to us and hit us from time to time. The thing is, i know that she raised me and she’s good to me sometimes but when she gets mad, she turned into someone else and making me and my sister got depression and have to go see psychologist secretly. And now that i have depression the back of my mind are blaming myself that i shouldn’t think about hating her cus she’s my mom and im not allowed to even think about that and this thought is killing me inside cus i always ended up shutting my mouth to whatever she did to me and dealing with my own emotions and blame myself over and over again... Yea..i just wanna share my thought tho no need to answer this;-; haa...