Confession

When did I get here?
When did we get here?
I'm not a little girl anymore unfortunately.
L-
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What brought on this realization is actually really funny, here I was reading a yaoi manhwa I saw hyped up, and the first scene was full of non consensual sex and it was jarring. I immediately hit the back button my day ruined. I thought to myself people enjoy this ? People think Rapists characters deserve redemption arcs? Insane.

Then I realized I have no right to judge lmao as an old tradjoshi jap anime back then had no concept of consent, with their weird ass size differences and bottoms like children, I can acknowledge is very weird now. Atleast even if there's rape these days, both love interests look like adults? A win is a win?

But the fact that I can't stomach such media anymore, be it in my novels, manhwas, mangas, anime or live action I don't want to see an assaulter as a live interest it's wrong. But this realization made me realize, 18 year old me who had painter of the night as her phone background would tell me to fuck off.

I started to think about other things that have changed, like how when I like a manhwa here I go to official sites to support the official work, how I cringe when I see teenagers under graphic yaoi smut comment sections.

It's not just this, irl I looked at status updates of all my age mates, and it's married, married, engaged, mother, mother, guys when did we get here?! I tried to talk to my best friend about it, and she tells me I have a niece who's education I'm sponsoring and I realize damn I really am an adult. When did this happen?

Genuinely? One moment I'm on bato reading yaoi another moment...I'm still reading yaoi actually but as a person pushing 30 with responsibilities.

I'm not ready, but here I am. Mentally though, it's still 2017, I just finished highschool, got my first phone and access to unlimited internet content.

: P.S: Yaoi is not a phase guys, you're never going to grow out of it.

im in college and I've been working at an apartment complex this summer that has me doing 10 hour days 5 days a week. this week im working 16 hr days and I miss my freshman year of high school. :'(
I lowkey didn't have any friends, but I miss the days of skipping zooms and reading manga 12 hrs a day. I MISS BEING A BUM when it like didn't matter at all

anyway prob won't come back to this post for a bit cus ill be working, but wish me luck ig? if only I was a nepo baby...

I am your father