Vent

I haven't been feeling...great. I'm not out of the closet and I can't bind, (I'm ftm) and every time I see my body, I have a breakdown and resort to self-harming.

I've developed an extreme paranoia of losing everyone I loved and I've been cutting back on eating, my anxiety and depression is going through the roof.

I had an anxiety attack a few hours ago and I almost had one again, I tried to take a bath and it was REALLY hot, I locked the door and sat there for an hour, hoping to get heat stroke and die, but instinct took over and I left the bathroom.

I've relapsed in self harm and I feel like nobody cares, I can't see a therapist and I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Have you ever felt that way?

I don’t really know if its a childhood trauma cause my friends are telling me it isn’t so when i was a kid my mom and dad used to argue a lot to the point where they would throw plates at each other and break the tv, i was an only child so i was forced to stay at my grandparents house but they always tried to feed me expired food or sometimes food that i was allergic to so i was always at the hospital lmao I didn’t really have friends back then because i was bullied and i was force to be the “slave” of the popular girls way back in grade school and middle school and now looking back at it my childhood was really fucked up well atleast now i have mommy, daddy and grandparent issues lol


i now use manga , anime and fiction characters as a coping mechanism lmao

Did anybody else had childhood trauma or just me?