Ending Friendships

i’m sorry if i click baited you. this was the only thing i could do for people to click on this.

english isn’t my first language so please excuse my grammatical errors.

So i own a discord server with best friend and Not too long ago i had a fight with him and with another person for calling him out for saying the n word. He’s been saying it for a long time and i never said anything about it until this person stood up to him. Of course i had to side with them because i kinda had a problem with it too bc he isn’t black so he shouldn’t be saying it.


He keeps saying that the N word is just a word and that there’s not meaning behind it aswell as the f slur. He knows that i like girls and he’s cool with it. Now he’s upset and disappointed in me for not backing him up before and kept saying “why’d you back someone up who you barely even know!?!” I also might’ve unbanned that same person without his permission before.

But now i feel conflicted. He said i shouldn’t have taken sides and instead tried to solve the problem in a different way. even though it’s obvious that he’s in the wrong from saying the N word?

I’m on thin ice with him rn and i’m worried about our friendship. So i completely left the server for now hoping that this’ll all be over.

and i have no idea what to do now. we haven’t had a normal convo and he isn’t texting me like he was before.this might sound dumb but what do i do? he is the one and only friend that i have. And he knows most of my secrets and shit.

so uhh i usually feel like my friends are too good for me and that i don't deserve to be with them and idk the reason but i have an idea. i feel like the reason is a bit petty considering it was when i was really young (well, i'm still really young lol) but my friend made me feel like everyone else (in the friend group) was better than me and she made me feel like i was a bad person i guess.

my "friend" fatshamed me a bit and also hinted at how i was weak. she would exclude me from things she'd do with the other friends in the group and when my other friends wanted me to be included so she'd make a "test" for me so that i could join them in whatever they were doing. of course it was about being athletic. I found this thing I really liked and then she took it and said that i could only get it once i did some things for her. it wasn't even hers anyways. and i never even got it since she "gave it to her little sister". she would never tell me her secrets even though i tell her mine. we had a new student in our friend group once and she was a thief. she stole stationary from me but the "friend" took her side for some reason because she liked her? and guess what? she stole a lot of other stuff from other people. they got there stuff back luckily but i didn't get it back because idiot me believed that she really owned those things. i feel like this whole paragraph is petty but eh. i'm really sensitive anyways.

not sure if this is why i'm like this but i usually get upset for petty reasons. how do i fix myself?