am I a lesbian
I know this is probably not the place to ask this or maybe it idk but I kinda don't have anyone to talk to about this so here we are but basically I've identified as a bisexual since I was 16 cause i realized that I'm attracted to women but didn't really think about weather or not I'm attracted to men it kinda just felt like the default like of course I am attracted to them ya know
anyways it all started when I talk about a crush to my friend and she'd ask me if I was referring to a boy or a girl and I was so confused as to why she'd think I'd have a crush on a boy and she'd say that the last time she checked I was still bisexual and yeah she's right but every time she brought up my "attraction" to men I'd get so fucking uncomfortable so after that I started to question if I really am attracted to men at all or if I just felt like I wasn't allowed to not be attracted to them so I read the lesbian matsterdoc and I guess it helped? but at the same time im not sure it did cause a huge part of it talks about being in a relationship w a man and I've never been in a relationship w a man and if I'm being honest I don't really want to thinking about it scares me and makes me super uncomfortable
another thing is that I'm scared of the word lesbian because my entire life it's been used as a dirty word by the homophobic ppl in my life and honestly to this day it's still is and if it's not being whispered like a dirty word its being overly sexualised by men and I hate it and it also sounds really harsh for some reason
I also feel like (which I know is stupid but I can't help it) I'm not masculine enough to be a lesbian or that I don't look like a lesbian and I know that's stupid and that's there isn't a way to look like a lesbian but it's also the stereotypes about lesbians and not fitting any of them so I must not be one which I know doesn't make sense but I can't help but feel that way
it feels like I'm pretending or lying to myself like how do I even know 100% that I'm not attracted to men like what if I meet someone in the future or something idk
and then there's finding male celebrities attractive but idk if that counts or not cause it's weird for me to think of them in a sexual way but I also have eyes and I can't deny that they're attractive but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to them
idk honestly this is really been nothing me and ik it's not even a question but I just felt like sharing
Bisexuality is not just 50/50, for example: you could be 10 %attracted to men and be 90% attracted to women. But you don’t need to feel that you have to have a label on your sexuality. If that would make you feel better then be my guest, but you don’t need to make yourself say that you are attracted to men if you actually aren’t.
2 reply
16 08,2020
