I’m kinda scared and confused not gonna lie

I’m kinda scared and confused rn does anyone else feel like their emotions aren’t theirs and think about why they felt an emotion after feeling it? I got hurt and against my will I shouted and said open,open,open,plz my hand was stuck between the car door and the car so it shut on my hand. Then spent days thinking about why I felt pain why I said that. Anything that I feel irl makes me so confused I don’t know why I feel that emotion unless it’s the internet then I understand oh I cried cause they died and I liked that character or seeing them in pain and crying cause someone died makes me sad. But irl I cry cause someone yelled at me I want to be angry I want to hate them and I do but I cry and I don’t understand why I want to be angry I want to shout at them to shut up but I can’t. When the door shut on my hand I wonder why I didn’t just yank my hand back? Why didn’t I hit them when they yelled at me blaming me for something that I didn’t do. Does anyone else feel this? Or just me?