(ง'-')ง

I’ve been occasionally skipping classes in the past months. At the start i treated it like a ‘break’ and that i wasn’t anything big. But then around two months ago i really started caring, the guilt was just building up and hiding it from my parents made me feel shit. Just thinking about the money and time i had wasted and what i could have done instead. This is honestly my selfishness, i’m scared of owning up to it and going back to the classes because i’m scared of how the teacher will treat me, scared of what my classmates say about me, scared of what my parents feel.

I often get panic attacks where i get dizzy and sometimes i struggle to breathe. Im well aware that i’m not doing well mentally but its just another one of the things i hide from family and friends because i don’t like others treating me differently. And i especially hate it when they treat me with care because everyone part of me knows i don’t deserve it.

Ive been going through this for a long time now and its getting tiring, annoying and honestly beyond what i can handle. So many thoughts have been getting to my head lately and i just don’t see a future where I’m happy.

Writing this down has helped me quite a bit, thanks.