2021 Goals

I need help.

My main and only goal for 2021 is to stop craving romantic love and connection and to focus solely on my career and on having fun and that’s it! But the year started off really bad.

The first day was dandy, then I just started to not be able to stop thinking about this man I’ve had a stupid little school girl crush on for the past year now. I want to STOP! Bc I know it’ll never happen. It’ll never be real. And I am tired of wanting love. It’s never going to happen for me at this point.

It’s not just wanting to be partnered, but I also want all that comes with it: SEX!

I want to spend this year focusing on my growth. But idk how to stop wanting this man.

I have had many crushes, and all of them have been ridiculously intense. However, what’s different with this one is that I feel like this man is “it,” if an “it” exists. This faulty thinking of mine is what I think is making it hard for me to let go.

I have never dated, so please don’t recommend I tell him I like him so I can move on. Further, he doesn’t know I am attracted to him and we’ve never talked. Yeah, I’m not blessed and lucky enough to even like someone I have a good friendship with. It has always been strangers. All the reasons why dying alone and single is a definitive for me.

Shit, writing this is making me ridiculously sad.

HELP ME MOVE ON! I’m tired of this hopeless crushes of mine. If it won’t ever happen, I rather stop wanting it so it won’t mess with my head and my sense of self worth.

Any advice, tips, etc. are ALL welcomed.